Non Sequitur: Respect My Complexities

You Pretty Smile Havin’ Low Down Dirty Ass M*************

2011-12-09T09:45:00.000-05:00

He vlogs now. Scrolling down on Facebook and seeing his video make me think of the smile that I used to LOVE so much. It’s still there, cute as ever.

That smile threw a glass bottle at my head after he tried to kick me out.

The glass bottle missed my head by two inches. Two. I heard it smash behind my head as I ran down the steps on his duplex. Walking down 59th street, heated … ‘Kast’s “SpottieOttieDopaliscious” blasting in my left ear. "

No dude had ever made me that mad, that angry. I pushed over a TV table and tossed a frying pan on my way out of his door. Before that, I actually sat there for two minutes, trying to figure out what I should do to make him pay for what he thinks he’s doing to me. Burning his clothes? Maybe. Manipulating him into actually putting his hands on me so he could catch a charge? Sure … I knew what button to push. But instead, I threw on my leggings – smelling of sex, latex and breakfast – and walked out of the door, leaving a frying pan sliding across his floor.

I’m not proud of that moment at all. It was so ratchet, so out of character. I forgot who I was at the time. Ciara never stooped that low but homeboy pushed a button. Button was pushed and I went off.

That was the theme of our relationship. Very violent, very chaotic. We’d love in one moment and hated in the next. I thought I was going to be the girl that would change this kid. That was a fail. I thought he was going to be the dude that would wife me. I swore up and down to people that we were going to get married some way. Hell, we thought we would too.

And through all of this, we were never officially together. Insane loyalty to someone that doesn’t want to claim you in the streets, right? Truth be told, this shit should have been over YEARS ago but I stayed. I stayed because I was naïve enough to think that he would change. Naïve to think that he grew up. He didn’t. Using three year old petty shit against me is not grown.

So ugly. That fight was ugly. My actions were ugly. Now that smile is ugly. Shit’s just ugly.

The Bigger You Are, The Better You Cook … The Better You Feel?

2011-11-28T16:02:00.003-05:00

I’ve gained 36 pounds in one year. Yep, not good. From a decent 178 (the lowest I can ever remember weighing since I was 14) to a plump 214. Laziness plus office job plus eating like a damn horse will do that to you. Adding on meds that help retain weight (allegedly) and there you have me, all chubby and odd-shaped and shit.

Crazy thing is, I’m not too down about it. Yes, I need to lose weight. Yes, my family has a history of health problems related to weight. Yes, it sucks not to be able to wear clothes that you bought only five months ago. But for some strange reason, my confidence isn’t down. I’ve always been on the plus side of things, so now is no different.

But it is different in this respect: I cook like a maniac.

MANIAC. Culinary goodness is my hobby. I slay. My Dad always loved my food but the rest of the family is on board. My grandmother, who is a culinary killer in her own right, loved my food this weekend. My Aunt had the nerve to say that my shit is pretty much gourmet. Proud? Hell yes.

I remember taking GRAVE offense to someone telling me that I "look like [I] don’t cook.” I was baffled by the statement, not because it wasn’t partly true – I cooked sparingly then – but because there is a look associated with being a great cook. The kicker was the “not that you don’t cook but that you don’t cook well.” I died. My Dad agreed with that statement but went on to say that “it’s better to prove that you can cook when people say that you can’t versus the other way around.”

I found it crazy that the more weight I gained, the better cook I have become. Maybe it’s a off-base correlation. I cook more now because I have the time, who knows. I don’t fry and I pretty much keep my ingredients as fresh as possible, so that would help me lose weight, right?

So this is good thing? This will ultimately make me feel better? Bring on the blender!

Close the Door (No Teddy Pendergrass)

2011-11-15T12:10:00.002-05:00

(1. I'm back!; 2. A Bitch Named Gender is coming...I double-triple swear; 3. QUADRUPLE SWEAR)

I’m a firm believer in the idea that life will give you an exit out of a terrible situation. Metaphorical, of course. When shit gets hectic, there’s always that one moment that allows you to see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. And when you venture through it? The euphoria, the “I did it. I needed this to happen” commences and you’re done.

You think.

Every relationship I’ve been lucky to experience has given me exits on countless occasions. Disrespect here, a pregnancy scare there. I’ve had reasons – viable ones, too – to abandon these relationships to just, I don’t know, get my sanity back. But for whatever reason, I ended up walking right back through the door where I made my exit.

You start to second guess yourself and your decision to leave. You wonder – at some point – if you ever should have left at all. But whatever your reason made be, you’re back. Back to the same bullshit and problems that allowed that exit to manifest itself in the first place.

The central tenet of forgiveness is moving on. When you move on, you feel at peace. Your brain’s cesspool of emotions evaporates. You feel free. For me, I feel as if I don’t want to split this person’s wig in the streets. No love, no hate just… just.

I’m at a point in my life where I’m doing that, feeling that. These past few months have been filled with purging. Purging of the people and situations that frankly made my ovaries hurt. These situations gave me exits, a whole bunch of them actually, and for whatever reason, I stayed or left and came back. After being told to 'exit, stage left' by my conscience and my conscience’s conscience, I went back. Back to getting hurt. It’s like a “No shit, Ciara” moment in the making.

So to move on is a pretty dope feeling. To exit of out of doors that close once you leave is good. They close because you’re in a better place to allow them to do so. When you’re used to getting hurt and letting others hurt you, you become a vessel for someone else to voyage through and hurt you. People canread hurt. People can read pain. Some people prey on that. I’m at a point in my life where once I’m out, I’m out and I’m truly confident that I won’t be walking back. It’s called growing up.

Oy vey, I’m growing up.

Sugarcoat These Nuts

2011-09-27T21:33:00.001-04:00

(50% honesty moment and 50% shots fired.)

Why be cute, you know? Why go the PC route? I rather you just tell me what you really want to do. Lord knows that it has nothing to do with the verbs “see” or “chill”. You trying to fuck. Say it with me on one..two...three: “I’m trying to fuck you”.

Feel better? You should. Why even lie to me and yourself? Every time we hang out, we end up smashing. How would think this day be different. Oh? You actually want to have a conversation? Shit … you wanna talk?! Converse? Chat? 1-2? Well, excuse me. That’s new. The only noises you tend to hear from me are from the orgasmic variety. That screaming, moaning, “fuck” shit. You and I and sentences don’t compute. Actually … “damn.”, “shit,” and “fuck.” are sentences. Check Strunk & White. Besides, I bet you rather hear me choking on something than trying to clear my throat in anticipation of something to say.

I don’t think I’m coming off too bold or harsh here. Honesty is the best policy, right? Honesty, I want to look at you than more than a casual fuck. You’re too smart, honorable and decent for that distinction. But I guess in your eyes, I’m just a smut. A smut you can fuck all the way out. Smut me all the way the fuck out.

Smut me all the way the fuck out.

Ciara is Scared of the Word 'Like'. Terrified.

2011-09-06T12:24:00.002-04:00

(Very random and piecy. I wouldn't expect for you to follow it. You'll probably leave confused. So am I. On many fronts).

That was weird.

I was sitting up here, frustrated that I couldn’t come through on something that was super last-minute and in conflict to things I had planned in advance. Like, on-the-brink-of- crying frustrated.

Frustrated about something that if I could move mountains to do, then I would. If I had to ruin decent friendships to make it happen, then I would. Those people can wait, this is an once-in-a-lifetime thing.

I’m not sure that is how you’re supposed to feel when you like somebody but either way, it scares the shit out of me.

I don’t “like” often. I “intrigue” easily. I have such a short attention span when it comes to people, that if you don’t capture my imagination quickly, I pretty much forget about you. Sounds vain but I can’t be alone in that. So yeah, me scared that I got the feelings for somebody. He’s definitely worth it, no dbout in my mind. He isn’t seasonal like one person, vaginal like someone else. He just finds a way into my everyday life. I feel weird if I don’t talk to him. Dude makes me giggle. He knows more about me that he probably should. I know some of his faults but I could give a damn about them.

Grr. Shit’s so weird.

We’re both at points in our lives where we don’t want relationships. I’m okay with that in theory. I ain’t built for that war yet. But I can’t help but wonder what that battle would be like with him by my side. Sounds mushy as fuck but that’s how I feel. How I feel is ultimately scaring me.

I’m scared shitless. Scared.

Debunking Myths about Ciara (Part I)

2011-08-19T14:26:00.003-04:00

I’ve always wanted to do this. People swear up and down that they can read me like a book. Truth be told, I’m a really complex person and that lends to some confusion about who I am and what I stand for. I guess I’m going to use this post to debunk some of the myths about me, Ciara.

1) I’m all Philadelphia, all day.

Truth: That would be a no. While I was born in Philadelphia, I was raised in the lovely suburb of Gaithersburg, MD, which is about 30 minutes outside of Washington DC. I’ve lived there since I was 3. For the most part, I can barely remember the Philadelphia that I grew up in. I did spend one year there when I was 9 but did not visit the city again until I was 18, when I went to college at Drexel. So yeah, I know go-go, H.O.B.O and mambo sauce.

2) I don’t have a Mom or if I did, she wasn’t around.

Truth: As much as I talk about my Dad, you would think that my Mom disappeared from my life.

Nope.

While my parents divorced when I was 10, my mother had visitation rights until I was 18. So yeah, she was there. She just wasn’t there. My mother was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia in 1997 and decided to not take medication. So yeah, I witnessed a lot of wild things in her house growing up. Because of my mother’s illness, she’s been distant from me (to this day, I really don't know why) and while I’ve tried to mend things with her, it is hard to when your mother disappears from the face of the earth for months at a time. To be frank, I’ve already prepared myself for that “we found your mother dead” phone call.

3) I’m Lesbian (or was – whatever that means)

Truth: Yeah, that would be a no too. Ciara is strictly dickly. I can’t lie though … I didn’t really help myself in high school. I dressed like a boy, screamed about sports and – much to my disdain – wore fitted caps (7 and 1/8, by the way). I wore a skirt, people died. Since I’ve never had a boyfriend, my Dad probably thinks I’m lesbian but he knows better (I hope).

4) I used to blog.

Truth: FACT. I’ve written pieces for Philadelphia Magazine, Deadspin (for their 'Waxing Off' series, AverageBro and others. I’ve had my own blogs too; from the infamous Athletes and Procreation to this one (check the archives, b.) But since that, ehh … let’s just say that my motivation to blog again has been short-lived. I’ve been working on this new blog -- which I won’t reveal yet -- but I don’t know if people will ever get to see it. The project has become SUPER-personal for me especially since I’m a pseudo-feminist.

5) Feminist? Word?!

Short answer is yes. On base, a lot of my passions lie in the search for basic women’s rights. Am I a full fledge Gloria Steinem? I won’t say that. I find myself having issues with some of the tenets of this new wave of feminism. I’m pro-choice but to a point. Not everything is sexist to me. I rather be proactive than reactionary when gender issues arise. That differs from my neo-feminists counterparts.

Stay tuned for Part II!

When You Are Reminded of [Enter Name Here]

2011-08-02T12:38:00.002-04:00

If you read this and you think that its about you, it isn't.

It's about anyone who's ever been reminded of _____________.

“You still talk to ___________?”

“Oh, __________? Ehhh, I kinda still talk to ___________. Not as much as we used to. __________ is doing _________’s thing and I’m doing mine. ________ and I don’t hang out like we used to either but that’s expected after what happened."

“What happened with ____________?”

“__________ and I had a bullshit fight over some shit. I read ___________’s rights and ___________ pretty much vanished. ___________ and I stopped talking for a minute. We still saw each out, which was weird."

“That is weird. So how you and __________ start talking again?”

“___________ called me. That’s all it took. We talked for hours about absolutely nothing. Then ___________ invited over to their house and shit happened over here because…”

“Because ___________ did something, right?”

“Nah, shit between ____________ and I didn’t feel right, so I stepped. _________ called me afterwards to see if I was okay – and I was – but I felt like I had to leave.”

“You felt weird about you and ___________ being cool again”

“Nah, man. I felt like ____________ and I really had no reason to be that type of cool again. Shit was flawed from the jump but that’s what happens when people get comfortable. __________ got comfortable. I got comfortable. So when reality hit about the situation, both of us didn’t know what to do. Ain’t no point to jump back in it. For what? Because we can? That’s stupid.”

“So now what?

“It’s dead. The thing between ____________ and me is dead. I kinda forgot about ___________ until you brought ______________ up.”

“My bad.”

“It is what it is.”

(Some of) The Songs That I Love

2011-07-22T12:02:00.003-04:00

Someone asked me to write about love. Since the last few posts have been about that subject, I decided to flip the suggestion a tad into something about music.

These are the songs that I love and why.

Not in any particular order or genre (ehh…you know this is R&B heavy. Heh.)

1) Phyllis Hyman “Meet Me on the Moon”

A few months ago, I bought a Best of Phyllis Hyman compilation and simply let it sit in my floor for a few weeks until her TV One “UnSung” documentary aired on TV. Her live rendition of “Living All Alone” from the doc is what made me pick the damn CD off of the floor and once I got to the end of the disc, I fell in love. Phyllis Hyman is me in ten years in audio form. Bold, boisterous, confident, fly as fuck. Most importantly, in love. “Meet Me on the Moon” encapsulates EVERYTHING that I hope to feel for the person that I ultimately fall in love with. I feel your symphony … so strong and so pure … it echoes all through me … I am so sure.... MAN.

2) Mobb Deep “Party Over”

The first hip-hop album that I bought at 16 was Havoc and P’s “The Infamous...” and it wasn’t even for me. I had bought the CD for my brother as his Christmas present. My brother, going through his seasonal depression, threw it back at me in a fit of rage about how fucked up our family was (whose isn’t, though?). So when I got home, I opened it up and played it. “Party Over” was the song that stuck out to me and to this day, I can’t really pinpoint why. Shit just knocks to me.

3) The Bar-Kays “Son of Shaft/Feel It”

One late night in college, I caught the entire Wattstax documentary on Vh1 Classic and this song stuck out like a tampon string. The weird part? I can only listen to the live version of this song. The studio version doesn’t move me at all. This is what started my curiosity into Stax and 70’s soul music or soul music in general.

4) Mint Condition “So Fine”

This is the song that started my love affair with Mint Condition. Listen to the lyrics of that record and you’ll see why. You want a man to tell you that you look “so damn good” to him. It’s the ultimate panty dropper record without telling you anything sexual. R&B ain’t built like that anymore.

5) Curtis Mayfield “Short Eyes (Freak, Free, Free)”

This song is about pedophilia. Sick, ain’t it? But the beauty of the song has more to do with its pedophiliac composition. Its sounds and flows like predator v. prey. The song is sick. The lyrics are sick. I discovered this song during my Stax run in college. The beautiful thing about this era of music is the soundtracks. One of my favorite albums of all-time is the official soundtrack for “Superfly”. Willie Hutch’s soundtrack for “The Mack” still gets play on a daily basis. The "Big 3" – Motown, Stax and Atlantic – made OUTSTANDING soul music in the 60s and 70s. I try to hold on to that stuff as much as possible.

What I’ve Learned in my 23rd Year of Life

2011-07-19T10:41:00.001-04:00

Next Monday, I turn 24. One year closer to 25. Yeah, word. This past year grew me the fuck up.

Here’s how:

1) I can be my own worst enemy: I put myself into a lot of messed-up situations for the sake of being in them. I knew better and I still ventured into dangerous territory. I didn’t need to have the crying fits and angry spats with others. I didn’t need a story to tell or a reputation to build. I didn’t have to elongate the depression and anxiety. I just needed to do what was right with my own damn soul. My soul had to break without anyone feeling any sympathy for me to realize this.

2) In contrast, my self-confidence grew: Bye was the comparisons to other people. Bye was the look-away and down-trodden heads. Gone was the shyness. I could speak to others with pride. Crazy that I learned this working in a damn mall.

3) I’m William’s daughter: My Dad was in the ICU for a week. I couldn’t even look at him in the hospital bed, the image was that traumatizing for me. I grew to better understand the man that gave me half his DNA. He stood by me through my entire BS and I finally had the cojones to tell him thank you. He really appreciated it. He’s my biggest ally in these streets and without him and his sacrifices for me, I’d be in a horrifying place.

4) My Aces and My Sisters: You really see who is down for you in the times you need it most and my sisters were there. I also learned that it is possible to be friends with guys. Those are my aces and I love them as if they are my brothers. It’s ride or die.

5) I over-analyze. I take simple shit and turn it into something really colossal. I can take a statement and turn it into an attack. I had to almost lose two good folks in my life to get that.
5a) I’m not as prideful as I bill myself to be: I apologize and take the back seat more than I want to give myself credit for. Sometimes to my own detriment.

6) I discovered my calling: I was built from birth to be an activist for women’s rights. Now I have the battery in my back to act on that calling.

7) I miss my brother: My Brother and I used to fight like mad when we were kids. Then we were cool and now we don’t talk. I miss the kid. He put me onto hip-hop and I put him onto R&B. He humbled me when I was going through my “I’m Ciara, bitch” arrogant moments. I tried to convince him that we were a family and he didn’t believe me. Now he doesn’t have one. Shit sucks.

8) My brain scares me: I know too much and I analyze too much.

9) I talk shit to the wrong people: I had my first put-up or shut-up moment when I was 17. I still ain’t learn.

10) That I’m me: I no longer feel as if I need to defend myself as a person. I’m Ciara.

Boobs, Tits and Sweater-bags….

2011-07-14T12:05:00.002-04:00

(This will probably backfire on me but oh well, I felt compelled. And more retrospective. And lightweight proud of these things. And ashamed.)

I went training bra shopping with my Dad. I was 11 years old and about to head into middle school when over the summer, my cycle started and I sprouted. And I mean sprouted. When the lady at Sears (don’t judge, my Dad didn’t know where else to go) measured me, she laid the news on me as if I had a deadly disease, “You, young lady, are a 36C”. My Dad’s face said it all. If I could encapsulate his facial emotions, it would be “I need to hide my daughter. Now!”

From that point on, I knew that these things we like to call breasts would forever change my life … and change how I would be addressed.

In 7th grade, I was poked repeatedly in the right boob with a pencil by a boy named Andrew. In 8th grade, I got in trouble for NOT wearing a bra to school. In high school, I made it a point to hide them. In college, I thought they shrunk but instead they grew. 38 DD. The Dynamic Duo. At a party, I was called “Pretty Tits” For a few days, I said that shit with pride. Later, I would cry about it.

Then, I was asked if I was down to “titty fuck”. Next, was “pumpkin tits” (thanks, AJ). Then it was “you love sports and you have big boobs”. Then it was “those tits are awesome”. Then it was the pre-requisite “grab them while making out” move. Then it was “I really have to dig in the bottom drawer at Victoria Secret and pray” maneuver.

When my confidence was low, I’d look down at them and say “I guess you’re all I got”. I can’t hide them, I won’t get a reduction. They’re just there. But that’s the problem. They won’t go anywhere, so the bullshit things said to me won’t either. The feminist inside of me wants to cry. The misogynist in me wants to walk around without a shirt on. The person that I am has a love-hate relationship with them

Sometimes I wish my Dad actually took the time to find a hiding place for me.

25 Questions (But You Ain’t Around to Answer Them)…

2011-07-08T11:02:00.002-04:00

(My introspective streak continues. Shout out to every fucking dude that inspired this.)

1. So what was your intention from the beginning?
2. Did you know what you would catch feelings?
3. Why did you stop talking to a reasonable ass person to deal with me?
4. What? You thought shit would be on like that?
5. Why did you get all confused? I never told you that you were the only one.
6. Did you know that you were just a sympathy fuck?
7. Did you always know that I preyed on your sympathetic ass?
8. Why did you like shit between us get so convoluted?
9. She still don’t know about me?
10. What if I was actually pregnant?
11. You know I would’ve kept it, right?
12. Why did you tell me one thing but do another?
13. What was I supposed to do when I found out you fucked her?
14. You really think I regret kicking your ass out of my apartment that morning?
15. Why would I cry to my Aunts about you?
16. Do you know that I got so mad over something you did that I broke a window?
17. You remember when we almost got into a fight outside the corner store?
18. Did I seem as easy as I felt that night?
19. Your parents still don’t know about me?
20. I really broke your heart at 17?
21. Why do I feel like we ain’t putting in the effort to make this work?
22. Why do you think that I’m lying to you when I tell you that I feel a way?
23. You know I’m still not over what you did to me that night?
24. So you ignore me?
25. Why won’t you answer these questions?

The Fascination with a Fantastical Reality

2011-07-06T16:11:00.002-04:00

(Okay, I lied. I'm still going to write here. Oops ;-P)

I think I know what he looks. Tall? Yeah I know he’s tall. I know his complexion is chocolate-like, his lips … incredible. Eyes? Deep and profound like his thoughts and diatribes about the world we live in. Could he pick me up? Absolutely. Sex game? Insane. Why I can only tell this by his baritone scares me. Why I think the attraction, lust and lasciviousness grows on the account of me not knowing what he looks like, intrigues the hell out of me.

Voices fascinate me. I’m a visual person by nature, so the act of picturing someone’s facial features and bodily build becomes an adventure. It’s kind of a thrill, really. The disappointment of that person not being who you envisioned them to be? Heartbreaking.

The thing about this person is that while I know his moniker, I don’t know the person. I don’t know the person behind the words, behind the love and hate for all things pop culture.

I’m going through a “love song” phase. Every song that contains a message of falling, being or staying love move me. I don’t know why. I’ve been single since I’ve been eligible to be. My boyfriend count is zero. Close to having one? One. He was the last person that ever made me feel as if I could be committed to trying out that crazy thing called “love”. I even said that I loved him. Crazy thing is, I could never see myself being “in love” with him. Love is a commitment, something that “isn’t for play”. I wouldn’t jump into a pool of sharks knowing that I can’t swim. But I guess now, I’m willing to jump into the water and get bit, just to say that I knew what it felt like.

How does this connects to the voice? I don’t know anything about the voice except of what others have said and what the voice wants me to hear. Love is the same way. I’ve heard, thought, dreamt, screamed, cried, cursed about love. I’ve had time to imagine what love is. Now I want to actually experience it to see whether it agrees with what I always thought that it would appear to be.

Oh, You Rap?

2011-06-29T13:25:00.002-04:00

(This will probably be the last thing I'll post on here before A Bitch Named Gender goes live on Friday. I want to thank this blog for waking me up. I needed this. AJ was right, "All you gotta do is write, Ci. Just write.")

“I rap” has turned in to “I model” to me. What dude doesn’t rap, knows someone that raps, produces rap or tries to hide the fact that they rap? Don’t get me wrong, rapping itself ain’t the problem here. The problem is when you use it as a pre-requisite pick-up line.

Like, am I supposed to be moved by that? Tell me about your REAL job. You know, the one that actually pays the rent and supports the Foamposite habit. Preface that shit as a hobby and maybe we’ll talk. I don’t know, maybe being in Philly (‘every dude is a rapper’ central) has diluted that feeling for me, but saying that you rap doesn’t make my labia majora swell. It just doesn’t.

I just wish that people would put their best foot forward with their honest selves in the forefront. If you tell me that you like to watch, I don’t know, like One Tree Hill or some WB/CW shit, but that’s true to who you are, I’ll respect the shit out of you for that. You get points for that. The fuck you hiding yourself for? I don’t know, sometimes I feel like the logic behind attractiveness isn’t as objective as people are making out to be. Being a rapper doesn’t always attract the pretty girl but it might attract the bopper.

Vice versa. You’re attracted to what you’re attracted but you always attract who you are. If you’re out in these streets putting up fronts for people, you’re only going to attract those who like your false identities. Rapping isn’t the first, second, third or last thing that you do. It falls somewhere in the middle. Present in order of importance.

The problem with that logic though is when rap really is your vice. Philadelphia taught me that for every three dudes who really ain’t shit when it comes to rapping, there is one kid that is actually on his grind to make things happen. How far does the support go? I was faced with that. The kid went HARD but I knew in my heart that his dream only had so far to go especially since every Philly rapper was on their Meek Mill shit. You can only pull that “you can do it whatever you want to do” line out of the hat so many times before a dude starts to ignore it.

I can’t even remember the kid’s name. He’s a blur to me but he completely diluted whatever feelings I could have towards someone who raps. It really is like every Black man’s pipe dream now. Supporting alleged pipe dreams is hard. The problem arises when this person is extremely talented and noted for what they do. How long do you sit there and let them believe that this shit is really going to happen? Their talent, ability and skill say yes. Statistics says no. That isn’t a good feeling at all.

Love: Fucking: Love Fucking: Fucking Love

2011-06-28T23:04:00.001-04:00

I wish it just wasn’t fucking. I wish there is some meat to this shit. Willingly reducing myself to a beating uterus on some carnal and lascivious shit. There’s nothing wrong with orgasms; they just feel a whole lot better with a meaningful purpose attached. We’ve reduced fucking to just that, you know. Fucking.

I tell myself that there isn’t any wrong with fucking on base value but in ways, there is. Like, what is this all for? Walking outside of someone’s crib with no panties on? Really? Masturbating while reminiscing. You can only fantasize for so long before you feel the urge to replace two fingers with a penis and a vibrator with a tongue.

Which he…nevermind. Let me not objectify this dude. Let me not imagine this dude beating my walls down. Let me not imagine feeling explosions between my legs. Let me not turn him into my personal-fucking-machine. He’s more than that. Dude’s a thinker, a storyteller. Creativity oozes from this kid. He’s my lightweight muse. Being in his presence feels intimidating. I’m sort of fascinated with this kid. Equally fascinated with his penis? Maybe.

I’m so bad. I shouldn’t even be talking about this. But where my mind is, I can’t help it. I keep thinking about love songs and their meaning. Saying “I love you” in bridge and chorus. The baritone-laced ballads of Teddy Pendergrass. No, not “Turn Off The Lights” but more “I Miss You”. That Anita Baker. That “If I could, I’d give you the world…” .That Phyllis Hyman “Meet Me On The Moon”. I feel your symphony, so strong and so pure … it echoes all through me … I am so sure that we were meant to be here, sharing this love we share. Utopian ideas of love through music.

I can only imagine what fucking feels like when you’re in love. It ain’t just about getting off. It’s about communicating your love and lust for each other in the most horizontal (vertical for the adventurous people) kind of way. Fuck just making me cum. Make me feel the fire. Love songs of today fail to convey that message to me. It’s all hyper-masculine and female chauvinistic. The words fail to produce genuine feelings. So maybe it shows the difference between simply fucking and making love. Whatever making love means.

The Anti-Basic-DC-B*tch Manifesto-festo

2011-06-27T12:53:00.003-04:00

(This wasn't meant to be a poem but this is how the shit manifested inside of my brain. It's still a bit incomplete however, I felt like letting it go to the world. Me scared.)

This is so arrogant and condescending of me.
The feminist inside of me balks at this, I know I will regret this.
So anti-womanly, so destructive, so nitpicket-y.
But my soul is bothered and I need to express this.

Walking around the streets of DC.
The culture, the heritage, the history.
But what I see of current DC fucks with me.
Bothers me, destroys me, abuses me,
My senses reduced, my heart deduced
Into figuring out what I’m facing.
What the fuck is this shit?

I’m talking about the basic DC b*tch.
Clothes ill-fit, exaggerated switch.
I fail to see why these are the broads that I’m in competition with
For adoration, affection and wit.
I hate this, thinking that my attractiveness is past tense.
But these chicks get all the dick. Fuck this.
Tell me what they have and I don’t?
Tell me what they give you and I can’t?
Scatterbrained, naïve and without restraint.
Strong accents and matted-on face paint.
Urban Outfitters and Rave-wearing, every sentence swearing
Loud-talking, 6 inch wedges at street festivals-walking
Nicki Minaj-reciting, fight-inducing
Stomach-hanging, push-up-bra-showing
Immature, JoAnn-Fabrics-explosion-looking basic b*tches.

The technicolor toenails.
The dry weaves and mix-matching ponytails.
The live Zoobooks pants and the fake-ass bowlegged stance.
The gum-chewing, the fight-brewing.
The “Bitch, I’m the girl your man goes for a screwing”
The attitudes, the lies and the taunts.
The “look like a fake Southeast thug and I’ll give you want you want”
Every-Friday-night-at-Adams-Morgan-partying, H&M grabbing
Bend-over-ass-showing,weave-Miracle Gro-ing
DMV-rooted basic-ass motherfucking b*tches.

I realize that the types of guys that attract these flies don’t deserve me.
Don’t warrant my attention, don’t move me.
Beneath me, fail to agree with me.
Worth less than me. Frankly, fucking disgust me.
Why am I upset that these equally basic dudes fail to pay attention to me?
The hell would I want to be commodified and yelled at?
Grabbed at? Poked at? Laughed at?
Only looked at as a vessel for a penis.
A “you hit that too?” in agreement.

Grr.

I’m better than this.
I know what the problem is and choose to denigrate instead of resolve it.
These girls need guidance, these girls need care.
Someone who gives a fuck and is willing to share
That wisdom, that advice.
That “think twice”.

Is this coming from a place of hate? Maybe.
Is this coming from a place of concern? Absolutely.
So now I don’t regret this.
The condescension, the criticism, the openness.
I just had to get this off of my chest.

I Needed Somewhere to Put This....

2011-06-24T16:41:00.003-04:00

(I felt so damn compelled to write about this and share it with you folk. Will this spark the blogger in me? Who knows. But Lord knows that writing is all I have and I need to find where it fits within my ever-changing soul.)

I loved to baby talk AJ. With my head on his lap, I’d look up at him, staring into his eyes, and tell him how cute his nose, ears and cheeks were, doing so in the most ga-ga-goo way imaginable.

And he would smile. His dimples would show. He couldn’t help himself, he couldn’t hide it. He loved the way I would complement every feature on his face and it would make him feel good. So in approval, he’d lean down to kiss me and I’ll start the whole affirmation process all over again.

I harped back to this situation as I sit here thinking about how much I love to see a Black man smile. Especially since it appears it doesn’t happen often.

I get amazed by pretty teeth. I love crooked smiles as well, head in slight lean. That “I wish you would (in a good way)” smile. But I only see scowls, growls and sighs. Tight faces of anger and disappointment. A face ready to fight. A face showing you how well of a fighter they are.

But I don’t see these faces in boxing rings or street corner fights. I see them on the Metro train. I see then in bars, government buildings and supermarkets. I see them walking the dog or with a loved one. They overwhelm me with questions and I wonder what happened to make them feel as if a smile constitutes weakness.

But to be weak is to not smile. The act of smiling make you feel better, makes the people around you feel better. Let’s the people around you know that you are in a good disposition that can’t be destroyed. Looking mean causes others to be mean. But I guess when life itself is that mean, you don’t really have a reason to.

And that’s what I hear: that life is so hard for Black men that they never have a reason to smile. Their environments prevent them from being genuinely happy. Why smile when your comrades die and when your fights with family and friends cause riffs beyond repair? Why smile when it seems as if The Man is out to get you and why smile when it feels like Black women will never be proud of you. Smiling leads to statistics and toe-tags. There is no reason to look a smidge happy when everyone and everything around you indirectly fucks up your happiness.

That’s why it’s key to find something that make you smile without restraint. That one thing, regardless of how tough your day was, changes your attitude at the drop of a dime. Your children, favorite sports, movie, video game, restaurant, song, etc. Anything that releases the tension.

You deserve to smile. You deserve to be happy. You deserve a hearty laugh. You deserve to raise your eyebrow in satisfaction. You deserve to grab some woman’s attention with those pearly whites, sexy lips and deep dimples. You deserve to look into a mirror and see what I see: attraction and genuine happiness.

Emotions

2010-05-02T21:59:00.004-04:00

I still love you.

Yep, I do.

It pains to love someone who doesn't love you back.

You ask for a lot of things out of someone that you love. You ask for hugs, kisses and all the shit and giggles that come with it. You ask for the heart, mind, soul of that person. You ask for it all.

I thought I gave that but I didn't get it back.

But who's to say that I deserved it?

I can't answer that. I'm Ciara. I'm 110%. From the tip of my nose to the end of my vagina. When I give you every fiber of me, I want that shit back. Straight no chaser. I didn't get that ... or I felt that I didn't.

It was time. Time to see that the road actually continues and that -- on my own accord -- it doesn't have to end.

I'll miss the laughs, the jokes, the fights, the phone-sex make-up sessions. I'll miss the NFL on Fox "dates", the "fuck your team" bolstering and the hilarity that comes with it.

I'll miss the smile, the perfect teeth, the cute little nose and the dimples. I'll miss the prospects of laying my eyes on that again.

But I won't miss what makes me miss those things.

The He-Man posturing, the "All of me is me" stance, the "I'm the lord, you're my serf" boasting.

But yet I will because that is you.

I will miss some of you but not all of you. The other 93% of you. The percentage of you that was enough for me to drop the other seven.

Hopefully I can find that other 7% in someone else.

It might not be that easy.

Goodbye, Non Sequitur. It was nice.

Welcome Home, Peedi Crakk

2010-04-11T15:13:00.003-04:00

Let's get the barbecue poppin'! According to Rap Radar via. Peedi Crakk's Twitter, Mr. "The Mack Goes Brrrrnnnggggg!" is now home from serving a stint for a parole violation.

So what does this all mean? Not a damn thing. I fully expect Peedi Peedi to be back in the clink by the end of the year and honestly, it pains me to say that.

Peedi Crakk was the one member of State Property that you wish didn't get caught up under his own rug of fucked-up shit. He had the talent -- who knows if he still does -- and the charisma to be the leading man of SP but he couldn't get his Dame Dash Pro-Keds off of the streets, similar to his buddy-in-Pennsylvania-prison-crime Beanie Sigel.

I rather see Peedi acting dumb-dumb on Worldstar than back in jail. Let's hope that's the case.

Confessions Featuring Freddie Gibbs

2010-04-04T17:44:00.002-04:00

Freddie Gibbs is disgustingly misogynistic. His favorite two words must be “bitch” and “ho”. He has a very affectionate position towards prostitution, even with chicks that he likes. “If she was selling pussy, she’d be on a goldmine”. In the same song that contains that lovely lyric, “Queen (Luv U 2 Death)”, he “shows respect” to shorty by shooting her in the chest, instead of the head, for getting him robbed. If love ain’t grand, you know?

Crazy thing is that I love him. I’m having an extra-marital Hip-Hop affair with Freddie Gibbs and today, I no longer hide it. True story, I’d be his “bitch” if he wanted me to. Put me on the street though? No. We can role-play though if he wanted to. I’m down for whatever. Lady in the streets and a freak in the bed, right?

Why would I, Ciara, be infatuated with a dude who would put me on the stroll if he could? I tend to like my rappers “nice”. “Take them home to Dad” nice. B.o.B “Nothing on You” nice. Gibbs ain’t that nice. Shit, he’s straight mean. “Put a bullet in your brain” mean. But yet, through all of those things, I’d rather fuck with him behind closed doors than out on the street. He’s my mistress. My Hip-Hop mistress.

I use of all this as a metaphor to explain my recent infatuation with Freddie Gibbs. On the surface, there is nothing about Gibbs that would be attracting to me, the 22-year-old NOW-flag-waving, quick-with-the-feminism, Tampax-swearing chick. Like I said, I tend to like my rap more “gender-friendly” than “gender-hating” but I can look past off of those things with Gibbs because, frankly, dude and I can relate.

Relate on what, you ask? While our lives were and continue to be different, there are common themes that we all share in life: redemption, fear, death, love, hate, faith, fortune, losing and winning. Freddie’s music covers that. We all feel those emotions even if they manifest themselves in different ways.

And that’s what made me gravitate towards Freddie. Like I said, I like my rap “nice” but I also LOVE my rap “real”. You wonder why I’ve never been a fan of “trap rap”. Because 89% of that shit is fake. Most of the dudes rapping that shit have never held a brick in their lives. Yeah, Freddie drops an occasional drug line here and there but its laced within an honest story of growing up in a time and place where that’s all you know. You don’t profess to be a kingpin or don. You profess to make it to tomorrow. “A body is set to drop and guess who it ain’t gonna be.”Survival of the fittest. That’s not just a “hood” thing but rather a life thing. That’s what I relate to.

So that’s what my relationship with Freddie Gibbs consists of. We can relate, have a decent conversation; he gives me the orgasm of my life – musically, of course – and then he bounces until we see each other again. But now that everyone knows about it… can we?

This “Bitch” Wants to Have a “Riot Girl” Moment

2010-03-11T01:33:00.002-05:00

Some people like to call me a “feminist”. While I don’t have any strong issues with that title being as though I stick up for my uterus quite often, it is often thrown at me when I make controversial stances in the epic battle we call “Gender Wars”.

Of course I am going to stand up for women since, you know, I am one (I’m on the final day of my period, I swear) and of course I’m going to challenge anyone that questions my womanhood. But I find it hard to believe that only “feminists” do that. All chicks with a modicum of respect shouldn’t be afraid to say “Hold up, my dude … you’re not right”.

Apparently with some dudes, that’s a problem. A chick not afraid to challenge society’s inevitable deathtrap that is being a woman is apparently a “lesbian”, “dick hater”, etc. Chicks who say that they don’t appreciate how the world thinks of them as simply vaginas are apparently “bitches”. When was I a bitch? Oh because woman = bitch? I get it now.

Fuck out of my face with that shit.

I don’t ask for much. All I ask for is respect. I ask for someone to respect what I say, even if they disagree. They won’t pull the “It’s not my fault you have a problem with what I say/act/do. That’s on you” line with me. They pull the “I give a damn about how you feel therefore I will respect it. I may disagree but I respect it” card. That’s all I ask. I ask to not be a “bitch” even if you claim that it’s just a word. Fuck all of that. Just because she has a uterus, doesn’t make her a bitch.

This isn’t me PMSing or being a “riot girl”, this is me being a person. A person with feelings, emotions, a heart. When the venom comes from someone you care about, it hurts the most especially when they are naïve to think that it doesn’t.

I tell you that I love you every day. I tell you how smart you are, how flawless you are. I tell you that you were meant to be on this Earth for a reason. I tell you how much I care about you and the person that you become and all I get in return is a “deal with it” when I tell you I don’t like what you continue to do. When you make it a point to uplift someone and they don’t return with that, what’s the point of possessing the heart to give a damn?

I know the response that I am going to get from this. “Deal with it.” I know that dudes will come out my head about how it’s not fair that you can be judgmental towards dudes but we can’t do the same to you. You’re a dude, that’s why. You run this town, right? Top dogs always get barked at, right? I’ll just tell them what one dude always says to me: Eat a dick.

Sexism solves everything, doesn’t it?

Half-Windsor

2010-02-14T01:00:00.005-05:00

I had to tie one of my co-worker's neckties today.

Surreal experience, I have to say. He came up to me, face contorted, trying to figure out how his Dad tied his necktie for work. Apparently, it came unraveled and the narrow end was longer than the wider part, or foot, of the tie. He asked me, "Do you know how to tie a tie?" and I told him yeah. I'd just have to do it on me first.

So I sat in front of a mirror, twisting and turning the tie until I got the perfect triangular knot. "Perfect". I actually wanted to see him put it on so I knew that it worked. It did.

It's one of those moments that you envision in some other capacity but yet at this particular moment, it worked. Dude was 18, a baby. I'm 22 and a female. What in the world am I doing showing a 18-year-old dude how to tie a necktie? But then something hit me: You know how many young men don't have people in their lives to teach them how?

My co-worker was different - his Pops helped him with his tie - but for a lot of young males, they don't have a person in their lives to teach them one of those things that truly makes them "a man". "What grown man doesn't know how to tie a tie?" A lot.

I taught myself how to do it from watching my Dad do it every morning. Sitting on the counter, watching my Dad tie the perfect half-windsor before he went to work. Tying his tie to say "this man is ready for what's coming his way." It's one of those moments that you take for granted until you find yourself standing in front of a young dude tying his necktie.

Freddie Gibbs x Mikkey Halsted - On My Own

2010-02-10T23:34:00.002-05:00

I know I'm late on posting this -- late on posting a lot of things *shrug*-- but I'll be damned if this shit doesn't fucking knock. Sheesh.

Freddie Gibbs + Mikkey Halsted - On My Own from Brandon "N2ition" Riley on Vimeo.

Freddie Gibbs is next. Point, blank, PERIOD.

DEAD

2010-02-01T00:06:00.006-05:00

Damn you, Aubrey. Damn you. I know who did this shit but I'll be damned if this GIF doesn't have me in stitches right now.

Other quick thoughts from the Grammys:

Beyonce thanking her husband caught me the hell off guard. No one and I mean NO ONE saw that coming. She killed her performance as well. I have a soft spot in my heart for Sasha Fierce, I do. (pic. via Nation's Twitter)

Country music is a bigger beast than most people realize.

I hear what most people are saying on Twitter about hip-hop's placement on the show. Yeah, it wasn't like last year ie. "Swagger Like Us" but this ain't new. You get one performance a year. R&B gets two. Country gets four. That's how the world spins.

I'll be damned if Pink ain't kill it. As my homie AJ eloquently stated: "She's worked the pole before."

We didn't have any drama pre-Grammys this year. You know, last year was the "Domestic Incident Heard Around the World".

I'm still crying from that Drake gif. Sheesh.

When My Mind Wanders...

2010-01-29T23:45:00.002-05:00

Here's something that I wrote, 3 am in the morning.

It was the first time he looked into my eyes and actually meant what he said. He said that he loved me – or something to that effect. Even though he and I have been friends for the longest time, he never told me how he felt about me on the platonic level. No “You my homie” or “You’re like a sister to me”. His way of showing me that I was his right-hand was through, what he called, ‘bonuses’. These bonuses would be prerequisites for his girlfriend but perks for me.
So he would pick me up if I ever got stranded in the middle of nowhere. He would buy me lunch if my check didn’t clear yet and buy me a beer if we landed at a bar (mixed drinks were apparently excluded – that’s girlfriend only). We would watch NFL games together and be partners while playing Spades. He was my dude and I openly let him knew that fact. His response “Thanks.”

However for some reason he felt like confessing his feelings to me tonight. We were sitting on the couch watching Singleton’s Black classic Boyz N The Hood, sipping homemade cranberry and vodkas and tearing through a bag of sour cream and onion chips. As we sat there watching Doughboy be Doughboy, he looked at me, not speaking a word. It freaked me out. As I tried to ignore it, I could feel his eyes drilling holes into the side of my face. At that point, I had to figure something out. Was there something on my face? Is there a joke coming up that I’m missing? Am I that cute today?

I had to figure it out. “Why are you staring at me?” I asked him without lifting my eyes away from the movie. Like I said, it freaked me out. As he turns away from me, Ricky’s body hit the ground and I wince. I hated that scene in the movie. As much of a toughie I proclaimed myself to be, that scene would always make my eyes welt. As I wipe the tear in the corner of my left eye, he starts to look at me again. Once again, I’m freaked out. At this point I turn the TV to another channel. I needed an answer to this because I didn’t like the feeling of my face peeling off.

“So what’s the deal with you?” I tried to look at him but for some reason, it was too difficult. “I swear, seriously, you keep looking at me like something ain’t right.” At this point, he inches closer to me and I can feel his heartbeat increase. “Dude! What’s your deal?” For some reason, it was the first time I realized how fine he looked. I mean, I’ve always noticed but when you get the “homie vibe” from somebody, you learn how to block certain feelings out of your mind.

He was extremely chocolate with brown eyes and waves that he kept under a backwards fitted. Built like a running back, tall compared to me. He had these lips that I knew could do damage on any chick. Everywhere I would go with him, he would get hit on (once other females get the “she’s a friend” vibe from me). Hell, even my sister wanted a piece of that and frankly, I don’t blame her. I heard that he could make chicks scream, climb walls, rip sheets and scratch his back to death. Was I ever curious of that? Ehh…maybe.

Anyway, at this point, he is violating my personal space. “You might wanna back up a tad, homie.” He says his apologies and slightly slides back to his side of the couch. Even still, I want to know why he was staring a hole into my face. “Is something wrong?” I ask him. “You can tell me if something is wrong, you know that.”

Finally he parts his lips to tell me something. He says that he appreciates what I did for him the other day, when I set his head straight after he found out that his girl cheated on him. He was ready to body somebody, I’m telling you. I’ve always come in to save the day (or keep his ass out of some trouble). Then he says that he’s happy that I’m his friend because I’ve always had his back, even when I know that he’s in the wrong.

For some reason, that made me smile. It was the first time he ever told me that he was happy to have me as his friend, this time using words and not symbolic gestures. “Really, my dude?” He says yes. My only natural reaction to something like that was to give him a hug. He deserved that. But when he proceeded to hug me back, I felt he deserved something else.

It was the sexiest hug I had ever received in my life. I felt his hands creeping around my waist, grabbing my side with sensual force. I didn’t know why but right there, I felt that shift that happens with some miniscule becomes epic. I felt our love for each other become epic.

For a minute there, I didn’t want him to let go and I believe he felt that. With his hands still on my waist, he looks me dead into my eyes and with force, pulls me closer to him. I told you he was strong, right? I didn’t know what to do at the point but just behave. He struck some really erotic fear in me that I still can’t fully understand.

“Dude, what are you doing?” I slightly smiled at him and he inched closer to my face. I kind of knew what was going to happen next and dame sure, it did. He kissed me with so much force, my back arched on its own. I felt myself under him and he raised himself on top of me. As I tried to push him off of me, he pinned my arms back, keeping me from moving an inch. I can’t front, I was turned on by that move.

I couldn't finish it. Believe me, I tried. I guess it is because my mind refuses to let fantasy become reality...

I Feel Vindicated

2010-01-27T13:40:00.002-05:00

About a year ago, I had the opportunity to contribute to sports-blog-goliath Deadspin's "Waxing Off", a now-defunct column written by the ladies. I threw shots at the Cowboys, lamented my hate for watching women's sports and defending Jemele Hill but I caught the most flack for confessing my little crush on Greg Oden.

Yeah, I know. Oden ain't the best looking NBA player on the planet -- Joe Johnson gets that nod -- but the reason why I called Oden my most surprising sports crush , as excerpted from Deadspin below , is because he didn't seem like a basketball player. He looked like some dude I went to high school.

Greg Oden could get it. Yes, Nat Turner's right-hand-man could get it in a heartbeat. I don't know what it is but there is something so normal about that cat that makes me want to take him home to meet my Pops. It started way before he went to Ohio State. I remember watching a short piece about him on the four-letter network. Minus the height, he didn't come off with that typical athlete vibe. He had glasses on too, so he came off like a dork.

He's a dork.

A dork with a ginormous penis. I saw the picture on Deadspin and gottdamn, I feel vindicated. Swing, swing Oden. Swing. Swing.

“F*** Me Through The Phone”

2010-01-26T00:22:00.005-05:00

[Yes, I know. I go away, come back and then go away again. I’m going to get it together however I completely understand if you wanna leave. Just leave the key and the Timbs I bought you by the front door.]

Phone sex is a dangerous thing. It involves two people, clearly at distances where penis and vagina can’t touch [Note: I’m sorry. If you less than two hours away from me, we doing it in person. Verizon ain’t getting a piece of this.], who feel some carnal urge to explore their sexual sides through the comforts of a phone. Seems simple, right? You talk, you moan, you nut – or fake one, who would know? – and you hang up. Safe sex, fiberglass wires included. You would think that after exchanging fantasies, reality would hit and you would go back to doing whatever the hell you were doing. Bandwidth booty-call.

It ain’t that simple, trust.

One of my favorite shows on television is “Let’s Talk About Pep”, VH1’s newest reality foray into the lives of single, sexy and sexually-frustrated women. Featuring Pep from Salt-n-Pepa, NBA baller Jason Kidd’s ex-wife Joumanna, former BET-news host Jacque, the show mixes “Sex in the City” and “Girlfriends” to create a funny, flirty and often-real look into dating, men and overall fuckery. My favorite character is Kali aka Kittie, pictured above, a feisty broad who represents not giving a fuck. She’s added to my vocabulary (“Rearrange your face”) and my outlook on dudes. She’s my chick. Plus, she was the voice of Cita on BET's old-video show "Cita's World". Extra brownie points.

But on tonight’s show, she got played by a dude who she met over the internet. Peep game: Her and dude had been talking for the past three years, from sun-up to sundown, about everyone and everything including mad sessions of phone sex. Even though he lived relatively close, Virginia Beach, they hadn’t seen each other minus the occasional photo or two. She throws an ultimatum in his face: You come see me or we a wrap. To make a long story short, he comes up to New York City, where the show is based, and wines her and dines her. When she brought up whether they were going to knock boots – given the fact that they’ve talked about for what seemed like forever – he said no. Fuck it, he went past saying no: She took him back to the crib, straddled the dude and he said no. Straight up asked her “Can we watch TV?”

I love my girl but she got played. For three years, dude came at her as if that one encounter would cement their relationship, made her think – through the phone bone – that he would knock it down on sight but as soon as they saw each other, he hung up on her dreams – literally.

I felt for her. You just don’t talk to someone for so long and they act like you ain’t nothing but just a phone fuck but that’s the risk that you take when phone sex becomes the climax of the relationship. While I wanted to kick his ass through the TV, I figured that dude had a shorty at home. Kittie was a phone fuck with a side of the occasional dope phone conversation. That can’t be all it. For one person it’s that black and white but for the other, Kittie, you can catch some serious feelings.

Feelings – phone or in person – ain’t for play. Free nights and weekends included.

Video: Oschino "Hold On"

2010-01-18T00:22:00.002-05:00

Aww shit. State Property sighting. Looks he shot the video in my Grandma's house.

Props to OnSmash

‘No-Ass-at-All’ Starring Me!

2010-01-11T16:06:00.002-05:00

I don’t have a butt. I mean, I’m not flat cardboard box status but I’m something close to that. Trust me when I tell you: I am an optical illusion. From the front, it would look like I would have something of a bubble back there but when you take the rose-colored glasses off, you’ll see that there ain’t nothing back there but air and ether.

You would think, as a Black girl growing up in the video girl era, I would be bothered emotionally because I’m ass-less. In all honesty, I’m not. I know I don’t have an ass. I don’t walk around as if I do. Fuck it, I’m the first to tell you that I don’t have an ass. Yeah, I wish I could fill out my jeans a little bit better but my thighs and hips kinda sorta make up for it. Hell, I think I was given “other attributes” to make up for what I don’t have.

I mention my lack-of-ass because the other night, I peeped an infomercial for a product called the “BootyPop”, a backwards-working body shaper that gives women with small hindquarters a little extra outward push. I laughed, choked and laughed again. Do women not understand? These are the types of “devices” that keep you from getting a man. Walking around like that damn Decepticon and shit. Yeah, a dude may want to massage your inner walls on the illusion of an ass but when you get home, take the buttpads off and all he sees is a brick wall instead of a brick house? He’s a goner.

I will NEVER resort to acts like that because when all the clothes come off, you have what you have. I love what I have and even what I don’t …

Reggie Bush Covers Essence

2010-01-05T23:53:00.005-05:00

If you've read my blog in the past, you know that I have a little beef with Essence magazine and their contradictions. For a magazine that wants to promote healthy relationships between Black women, they sure love being non-PR-PR machine for shows like The Real Housewives of Atlanta. There ain't nothing sisterly about NeNe, trust. These contradictions are boundless but for the most part, they make me forget about them with a fine man or two.

Like Reggie Bush. Reggie Bush couldn't find a first down marker but I'll be lying if I said that he ain't a dimepiece. You see that body? Talk about skeet-worthy. Bush is on the cover of the February 2010 issue of Essence, their "Black Men, Love and Relationships" issue. Ain't a bad choice if you ask me. However, Essence contradicts themselves again.

For the past two years, Essence has been promoting this idea of "Black Love", celebrating the positives of love, sex and intimacy within the Black community. In that way, I'm with them. I'm sick of hearing stories about Black women not being able to find a man. We ain't all sitting at home, sad, lonely and making love with our vibrators. Essence wanted to show the media that yes, Black women may not be getting married at the same clip as their White counterparts but that doesn't mean that we are not in possession of healthy relationship. We ain't all Waiting to Exhale waiting to happen. Black men ain't dead, shit. There are fine men, like Bush, who want us.

Except...

Bush is dating a Kardashian. Last time I checked, the only Black in her were the dudes she's been with. Doesn't really follow with the whole "Black Love" thing, does it? I mean, yeah, put him on the cover because he's fine, chocolate goodie-dee-goodness but don't forget that the shorty he dates ain't Black.

I could give a damn what color dude dates. She could be canary yellow, taupe or electric orange for all I care. But if you're Essence and you're pushing this idea of "Black Love", it would be smart to put someone on the cover that actually subscribes to that tenet.

(H/T: BlackSportsOnline)

** Essence think they're slick using those photos from his GQ shoot. Uh huh, try again Essence.

And We're Back!

2010-01-04T08:20:00.004-05:00

Yes, yes! As you can see, the post under this one says "November 16th, 2009". This means that for about a month and a half, I, Ciara, completely ignored this blog to the 10th power. My apologies, folks. See, what happened was ...

I really don't have any excuses as to why I stopped updating this blog. Frankly, for the past two months, the last thing on my mind was to hit you guys with the knowledge. That being said, since this is the beginning of a new year, Non Sequitur is back in business. This means that as I build this blog back up, the content is going to change a little in the process. Out goes politics, in comes current events. In comes music and sports as well. I'm starting to realize that the sports blogger in me wants to come out and she deserves to. I wanted to start another sports blog but I figured I should resuscitate this joint first.

Hopefully, 2010 will bring some very good things. This blog staying alive for more than four months would be one of them. Welcome back, my people.

Video: Pac Div "Whiplash/Young Black Male"

2009-11-16T19:19:00.002-05:00

Dope record. Dope video. Dope dudes. Dope mixtape. All dope everything.

Props to OnSmash

Obama Bows, Conservative Pundits Have Conniptions

2009-11-16T18:29:00.003-05:00

President Obama visits Japanese emperor Akihito and his wife during his week-long trip to Asia. Instead of talking about Asian-US relations, the pundits want to focus on how Obama greeted the emperor. Enter “We The Best!” Khaled-style postering and you get this type of bullshit.

News photos of President Barack Obama bowing to Japan's emperor have incensed critics here, who said the US leader should stand tall when representing America overseas.

Obama on Monday was in China, having wrapped up the Japan leg of his Asia trip two days earlier. But Washington's punditocracy was still weighing whether or not the US president had disgraced his country two days earlier by having taken a deep bow at the waist while meeting Japan's Emperor Akihito.

Political talk shows have played and replayed the moment from the second day of Obama's week-long Asia tour, which set the blogosphere on fire and chat show tongues wagging.

"I don't know why President Obama thought that was appropriate. Maybe he thought it would play well in Japan. But it's not appropriate for an American president to bow to a foreign one," said conservative pundit William Kristol speaking on the Fox News Sunday program, adding that the gesture bespoke a United States that has become weak and overly-deferential under Obama.

Another conservative voice, Bill Bennett, said on CNN's "State of the Union" program: "It's ugly. I don't want to see it."

"We don't defer to emperors. We don't defer to kings or emperors. The president of the United States -- this coupled with so many apologies from the United States -- is just another thing," said Bennett. [Source]

This “We don’t bow to anyone” attitude is insulting. You don’t visit into someone else’s country and act like you’re the shit and the urine. It says more about your attitude towards them if you act like you have no sense of courtesy or respect. Trust, more talk would have been made if Obama straight disrespected the Emperor and his wife.

And for those that preach this idea of “American Exceptionalism”, I don’t have any problem with feeling a sense of pride about this country. As a two-category minority, I sometimes don’t feel it but hey, I understand. That being said, you earn respect when you give respect and frankly, for the past ten years, the attitude towards us as a nation is one of selfishness, arrogance and intellectual masturbation. The reason why people want to go at our throats is because we think we run this town, all-black everything. Obama did the right thing by showing respect and has done right by admitting that we have made mistakes as self-professed global leaders. The first step in conflict resolution is admitting when you are wrong. When you don’t, you have things like Iraq.

Outrage in Washington over Obama's Japan bow [Yahoo! News/AFP]

Video: Letoya "Regret" Featuring Ludacris

2009-11-13T15:24:00.000-05:00

Her label deserves a Karate chop to the neck for not making this the first single off of her latest album, Lady Love.

Props to OnSmash

No Separation Between Certain Churches and the State

2009-11-13T14:25:00.003-05:00

Ever since September 11th, America's new "Red Scare" involves Muslims, apparently, as those lovely hate-mongers on the other side of the aisle would say, the only religious group capable of plotting and killing Americans. "This guy was Muslim, right? He shot down our buildings for some guy named Allah!" Sigh. This is what we hear every damn time our national security is somewhat compromised.

Because of the unfortunate events at Fort Hood, America is now on another cycle of "America's Next Overreacting Terrorist Attack" hosted by Fox News, judged by closet-Conservative-racists, xenophobes and fake-Constitutional-zealots. When they asked, "Do we know if this is linked to terrorists, yet?", it was code for "Did some Muslims do it? You know that's what they do." Once we knew the shooters name, all "Hell" broke loose. "He had to be talking to some terrorists".

So you wonder what today's news is going to do? Shhhiiiitttt....

US federal prosecutors said Thursday they were moving to seize four mosques and a 36-story New York skyscraper from a non-profit Muslim group suspected of having ties to the Iranian government.

The Alavi Foundation has been providing "numerous services" and illegally funneling funds to the Iranian government through money laundering, according to the office of US Attorney for the Southern District of New York Preet Bharara.

Bharara filed a forfeiture action with a New York federal court to seize bank accounts owned by the group and a suspected front company, as well as the office tower and Islamic centers in the states of Maryland, Virginia, Texas and California.

"As today's complaint alleges in great detail, the Alavi Foundation has effectively been a front for the government of Iran," Bharara said in a statement.

"For two decades, the Alavi Foundation's affairs have been directed by various Iranian officials, including Iranian ambassadors to the United Nations, in violation of a series of American laws."

Washington has long accused Tehran of funding terror groups and of seeking to produce a nuclear bomb under cover of its suspect civilian nuclear program. [Source]

Now every mosque is a money-funneling, hate-teaching terrorist machine.

American Muslims have every right to pissed off at this country. We portray them as terrorists and attack their mosques and religious centers. We suspect their presence in every gruesome violent attack in recent memory. I completely understand wanting to commit the most foul middle-finger-salute ever to this country. A country that fails to realize that you breed more evil my honoring evil.

Yep, you honor evil by letting everyone know about it. There is a group of people plotting to hurt Muslims right now and guess what, where do you think they received the mental ammunition to make it happen? Us. We're guilty of singling out an entire group of people based off the action to few. Blacks know about this. Asians know about this. Germans know about this. Gays and Lesbians know about this. The poor knows about this. AMERICANS know about this. We're guilty of doing what has been done to us: Throwing an entire group of people under the bus, only to get up and come back with a 18-wheeler to get revenge.

US to seize mosques, skyscraper of Iran-linked group [Google/AFP]

When It Feels So Good…

2009-11-12T01:33:00.000-05:00

Even at 22, I can have some really juvenile moments. I was sitting on the couch, phone in my left hand, contemplating whether I should give him a call. I was nervous as hell, excuses playing in my mind to not call him … “maybe he’s busy”, “what if he doesn’t pick up?” I kept staring at his number but couldn’t press the “Call” button, feeling butterflies in my stomach, trying to calm myself down but couldn’t.

I felt like I was 15 again. I looked back at the first time I called a boy; those same feelings I felt as a teenager, I felt at that very moment. The phone kept ringing, I still was nervous. Practicing how I am going to say “Hi” to him. So when I did, and he said “Hi” back, it was a sigh of relief.

But then I started to over-analyze everything. His voice, his sentences, his jokes. Everything he did, I threw into the ‘Ciara Machine of Reasons to Hang Up’ machine. He was doing okay, even one of his corny jokes made me laugh. Even one of my corny jokes made him a laugh. Even the more, uh, “grown” jokes. I was invested mentally into dude. One hour turned into two into three…

Into six hours and thirty-five minutes. Six. Three. Five. We talked the entire night until I gave myself a swift kick in the ass to go to bed. I was tired the whole time but I didn’t care. I felt obligated to stay on the phone with him, even though I had every excuse not to. I couldn’t even lie myself off of the phone. I didn’t want to go. Even looking out the window and seeing the junior high school kids walk off the school bus and into school didn’t stop me. Morning show radio didn’t stop me. Smelling my Grandma’s coffee brewing downstairs didn’t stop me. Forget the whole “what else could you talk about?” creed; I wanted to repeat conversations so that I didn’t have to hang up the phone.

I remember the first time I felt that way. I was 15, talking to this boy named Rob. I met him on a Friday and talked to him all Saturday and Sunday until my Dad yelled at me to get off of the phone. I didn’t want the conversation to end even though I knew it had to. Imagine feeling that at 22?

That’s what it should feel like. It should like those innocent moments in life, so genuine and so immune from all the evil that dreams of destroying moments like these. When it feels so good when moments like these happen. You can’t even ‘describe how you’re feeling’ good. ‘Catch yourself smiling in the middle of the day’ good. Just good.

Video: UCB "Pat Your Weave" feat. Wale

2009-11-10T00:19:00.004-05:00

Uncalled 4 Band has come a long way since "Married 2 Juana". Wale has come a long way from Montgomery County, Maryland (don't act like we don't know, joe.)

Props to OnSmash

A White Van.

2009-11-10T00:06:00.004-05:00

That white van. A damn white box on four wheels had the entire Washington DC, Maryland and Virginia shook. We were told to watch out for White vans because the 'DC Sniper' stalked out his prey while inside of one. We were told to stay alert at gas stations, bus stops and grocery store parking lots. His victims were unsuspecting patrons yet open targets for the bullet.

Football games were cancelled and schools were on lock down. I remember because I was locked in a classroom – 10th Grade Chemistry – with my then best friend, Novy, trying to pass the time away while school officials determined whether we could walk down certain hallways without being visible. The sniper had just shot someone less than 10 miles away from my high school, therefore we were stuck. Code Red.

Today will be the day when the infamous DC snipers’ own life gets sniped out – by the state. I, for one, remember what he did to my neighborhood and how he should be punished to the fullest extent of the law. Not a fan of capital punishment though. Twelve jurors decided that route.

From Route 355 to Hell.

My Take on Beanie Sigel and Jay-Z

2009-11-05T22:40:00.004-05:00

That's it. Carry on...

Required Reading: "How Hip-Hop Amped Up the NBA" , ESPN the Magazine, February 2005

2009-11-05T18:02:00.003-05:00

To commemorate the beginning of a new NBA season, I went back into my archives to find a February 2005 article from ESPN the Magazine that explains the impact of the hip-hop on the NBA. The articles features the opinions of rappers, athletes, marketing experts and business owners who may have contributed to the rise of the NBA's hip-hop culture.

Pretty dope to read. I laughed my ass of when they called Allen Iverson a "shelved hip-hop artist". "40 Bars", anybody?

(click to enlarge)

ETHER.

2009-11-05T12:33:00.002-05:00

Chris Brown should hide in a cave for awhile. *DVRs 20/20*

Spotted at Rap Radar

Video: BKS "Back and Forth"

2009-11-05T04:39:00.003-05:00

BKS- "Back and Forth" Music Video from BKS Star on Vimeo.

I meant to drop this video on my blog awhile back but better late than never, right?

A lot of music artists, -- Philly rappers really -- will add me on Twitter so I can listen to their music. Most of the time, I don't. Not that I'm close-minded about my hip-hop but if you hit me on Twitter 50-11 times a day to listen to your track, I'm not going to. BKS was different.

True story, the initial reason why I gave BKS a shot is because I thought one of the members was fine as hell. Sorry, I'm a chick ... cut me some slack. But then I heard their tape and it's tough. "Back and Forth" is my favorite plus the dudes are reppin' the DC Metro Area (Northern VA). See, who says I don't support DC Urreah rap?

Follow BKS on Twitter

Video: P89 "2 of the Illest" feat. Freeway

2009-11-05T04:30:00.002-05:00

Ain't that bad.

I'm still trying to figure out the best way to approach this Beans/Jay thing. I was thinking about vlogging about it but I had wrote something about Beans' shots fired moment at Jay's concert two weeks ago and I want to use it (ha!).

My take on Beans vs. Jay is coming soon.

Props to Freeway and his Twitter. EARLY!

Where Have You Been?*

2009-11-04T13:14:00.003-05:00

Yes, yes, yes. Remember when I wrote a while back that life doesn't care if you blog. I definitely had one of those extended life vacations in the month of October.

My odd work hours plus my job now cutting my hours has messed me up. Search for second job starts now.

I promise that in November, things will start to get back in order. To be honest, I didn't have a desire to write at all thanks to my attitude reverting back to where it was pre-new job. Certain environments just kill your spirits and this would one of them. I'm trying to stay positive in all of this mess and all you goons who read this blog help me do that. The fact that mad people were asking about my blog via Twitter -- and a certain person who makes me smile even when he's being an asshole about his -- kept me from shutting this whole thing down.

As for "What's Sex to a Teenager?" That's postponed indefinitely until I find the time to do this. It involves a lot of research and I want to take it seriously. The potential for this thing could be insane.

Since I'm trying to get this blog back afloat, I'm going to be talking about sports and music more. I haven't talked about politics -- and my "play aunt" Michelle Obama -- in a minute but we'll get back to that.

Thanks for the people who still come through to this blog. Thanks to a certain person for getting on my ass about not updating it. Thanks to the Philadelphia Eagles for winning and thanks in advance to the Dallas Cowboys for losing this Sunday night. Smooches to you all.

*Beanie v. Jay-Z ... vlog coming.

Video: Freddie Gibbs "Womb 2 The Tomb" feat. Pill

2009-11-03T23:38:00.003-05:00

Pill and Freddie Gibbs are my reason for breathing when it comes to this hip-hop thing. Seriously, these dudes plus my original hip-hop baby daddies, Pac Div, give me hope that regional hip-hop -- GOOD regional hip-hop -- ain't dead. Yes, it's okay to rep where you're from, if you're going to do it right.

Props to OnSmash and Nah Right

Now it’s Rihanna’s Turn

2009-11-03T13:51:00.003-05:00

I guess it never goes away, huh? Rihanna is set to give her first television interview since the domestic-incident-heard-around-the-world to ABC’s Diane Sawyer on 20/20. She actually gave her first interview to Glamour magazine, who named her Woman of the Year (for surviving that attack, I assume).

Last August and September, I scolded Chris for going on Larry King Live and confessing his feelings to the world because I thought he didn’t need to explain anything to anybody except Rihanna and the authorities involved. He didn’t owe me an apology; he didn’t two-piece my face back to the fat meat. He’s done some more apologizing since then and frankly, I could care less about what he has to say.

Now, Rihanna is a different story. I also said in my vlog about Chris Brown’s CNN experience that she isn’t obligated to speak about the incident and that she shouldn’t. First, it isn’t any of our business and secondly, that picture said enough about what happened that night. But after reading some of her quotes in the upcoming issue of Glamour, I’m starting to change my tune a bit.

Via Rap Radar via Glamour

On the TMZ assault photo

It was humiliating; that is not a photo you would show to anybody. I felt completely taken advantage of. I felt like people were making it into a fun topic on the Internet, and it’s my life. I was disappointed, especially when I found out the photo was [supposedly leaked by] two women.

Message to young woman

Domestic violence is a big secret. No kid goes around and lets people know their parents fight. Teenage girls can’t tell their parents that their boyfriend beat them up. You don’t dare let your neighbor know that you fight. It’s one of the things we [women] will hide, because it’s embarrassing. My story was broadcast all over the world for people to see, and they have followed every step of my recovery. The positive thing that has come out of my situation is that people can learn from that. I want to give as much insight as I can to young women, because I feel like I represent a voice that really isn’t heard. Now I can help speak for those women.

That message to young woman got to me something fierce. Everything she said was the truth. Domestic violence is one of those noticed-unnoticed crimes. People know it’s popping off but until they actually see fist-to-face, it’s not happening. Whether she likes it or not, Rihanna is the face of domestic violence for this young generation (Tina who?) and if she takes that seriously, maybe one girl will get out of a abusive relationship.

But I don’t think people will be watching 20/20 or reading Glamour for those nuggets of wisdom and maturity. People want to see if she will ether Chris Brown back to Virginia. The best ether is to make Chris Brown look like an asshole without calling him one. I think she’s getting it right so far.

Video: Stalley "The Autobiography"

2009-10-30T20:59:00.001-04:00

Dope dude. Dope record.

Video: Sha Stimuli "Move Back" featuring Freeway and Young Chris

2009-10-25T01:01:00.002-04:00

Props again to OnSmash

Tortured W. Va Woman Recants Story, Lied About Her Ordeal

2009-10-21T13:38:00.003-04:00

You can't make this shit up even if you were Balloon Boy's parents

A black woman whose allegations of horrific abuse helped put several people in prison now says she lied when she alleged she was kidnapped, sexually assaulted and tortured in a ramshackle West Virginia trailer.

West Virginia authorities said in 2007 that Megan Williams, now of Columbus, Ohio, had been stabbed, beaten with sticks, sexually assaulted, doused with hot water, forced to eat animal feces and taunted with racial slurs. She later said that hot wax was poured on her and that two of her captors had forced to drink their urine.

An unsigned statement released Wednesday by the office of her Columbus lawyer, Byron L. Potts, said simply, "Megan Williams is now recanting her story." Williams was scheduled to attend a news conference Wednesday in Columbus along with Potts. [Source]

Back in 2007, a racial firestorm erupted when Williams alleged that a group of Whites beat and tortured her inside a shack. Of course, the Rev. Al Sharpton got involved (TV crews were there, right?) and came to her and her family's defense, even donating $1,000 as a "Christmas" gift. Now, Sharpton is alleging, amongst other people including the prosecution, that there may be some mental problems and that if she did indeed make the story up, all convicted should be released.

The crazy thing -- no pun intended -- is that all the physical evidence showed that she was beat the hell down. The question -- and real concern -- is whether she did those things to herself or that she's back up here trying to drum up some publicity. How this benefits her, I have no damn idea.

Woman in W. Va torture case says she lied [MSNBC]
Pic via.

Ghosts of Teenage Past

2009-10-21T13:06:00.002-04:00

About two weeks ago, I was chopping it up with some of my people on Twitter when one person tweeted that B2K was on BET. For a second I thought, "what is this? 2003?" but then I scurried to the TV and turned it on to see Boog and Fizz, two of the original members of the group, on Mo'Nique's new late-night show.

For a brief moment, I thought I was 15 again. See, during my early teenage years, I was a B2K FANATIC. From the posters to the concerts to the DVDs to the movies, I had it all. Thanks to all the tape marks and paint chips, my room is still a reflection of that era for me. You couldn't tell me that Boog wasn't fine. I was in love. My whole life was encapsulated by the group that when they broke up in 2004, I was crushed. Not to the brink of tears but crushed nonetheless.

So while watching Boog and Fizz all grown up and whatnot, I wondered what it was about them that made me go into fits of uncontrollable frenzy. I wasn't like those girls who would shake, rattle and roll if they saw them on the screen. Instead, I would just stare at the screen as if I wasn't going to see them again. I found myself doing that two weeks ago, engaged in everything they had to say as if I was going to chat online about it for hours at a time. For three years, that was my life. It was B2K and everything else. So seeing them make music again - even if it isn't all that great - puts a smile on my face because a part of my adolescent and naive years are here, here during a time when it sometimes pains me to be an adult.

Video: Alicia Keys "Doesn't Mean Anything"

2009-10-21T00:14:00.001-04:00

Classic Alicia

(Yeah, I know ... it's been a while. Updates coming shortly...)

B*tch Tendencies: Usher and Joe Budden

2009-10-16T06:58:00.004-04:00

Being a propanganda whore in the world of popular media can be a gift and a curse. While some people bask in that proverbial popularity glow, others find themselves fighting for their privacy in a game of tug and war: the more you put out, the less you can expect to hold back. You wonder why Jay and Beyonce’ are mad hush-hush about their relationship? Simple: the more they spill the beans, the less they’ll have a chance to hold on to the one thing that really isn’t anybody’s business.

That’s why it was extremely odd when Joe Budden called out his ex-girlfriend Tahiry for “talking too much” about their relationship while she was on The Morning After with Angela Yee on SiriusXM last week. For those under a rock – or never on Worldstar – and are like “Tah-who?”, Joe Budden, you know … Mr. “Pump Pump Pump It Up!”, featured then-girlfriend Tahiry in his webisode series and livestreams. Tahiry started to gain her own attention from the internets, thanks to her assets and Joey saw a goldmine: the more they would talk and gawk about his girl, the more attention Joey would get to hawk his product: his music. It worked. People clawed for the chance to see Joey and Tahiry – really Tahiry – around the crib, arguing with each other and so forth. At one point, Tahiry even started her own website – TahiryTV.

This wouldn’t be that big of a deal if Budden wasn’t already an attention whore. Joey was guilty of pulling out the camera for extra attention (see: “beef” with Method Man and Mickey Factz-blinking SOS-Raekwon’s henchman punchout) and people started to take notice at the eagerness to pull out the cam when the streets were talking. So when word hit the nets that Joe and Tahiry broke up, Joe allegedly – you know he did it – posted a video of he and Tahiry in a heated argument. The video was pulled but at that point, damage was done. Later, Joey livestreamed from the studio, appearing distraught about the whole ordeal. So while Tahiry stayed quiet about their break-up until her latest appearance on Complex Magazine’s website, Joey ran their breakup through the mill. That’s why when he called out Tahiry for using their break-up for publicity, the internets laughed in Joey’s face. The man responsible for pumping that girl into the living rooms – and bedrooms – of America is now claiming that SHE is using their relationship to her advantage.

He doesn’t touch the king of this s*it: Usher. Last week, Usher dropped a new single called “Papers”, a song allegedly speaking on his divorce with wife Tameka. With a new album coming at the end of year, now titled “Raymond v. Raymond” – another nod to his divorce, Usher is going back into his marketing playbook of using his relationships to sell records. For his fourth album, Confessions, Usher used his break-up with Chilli and the rumors of his cheating as bait for the public to listen to his album. Was he talking about her on “Confessions” or what? When Chilli called Usher out for using their relationship as a tool to sell albums, Usher denied it.

However, he used his then-controversial marriage to Tameka as bait for his last album, Here I Stand, and is using their tumultuous divorce as propaganda for Raymond v. Raymond. That’s why when word got out that Usher called the cops on Tameka for allegedly keying his car, the internets – like with Joey – laughed in Usher’s face. Of course, she keyed your car and tore up your property and all of this happens around the time you drop “Papers”. Uncanny, right? *rolls eyes*

Usher and Joe Budden don’t subscribe to the Bey/Jay creed and right now, it’s to their own detriment. While it may gain them some of our attention, albeit temporary, they are making themselves look like attention-craving piranhas in the Amazon we like to call the internet. Throw them a piece of meat, it’s a wrap. Once there is no more, they’ll start eating each other until you feel some pity and throw them another piece of meat. It’s like going to crazy lengths for survival – of their careers.

Crybabies: Washington Redskins

2009-10-14T14:13:00.003-04:00

When asked what has been the toughest part of their 2-3 start, Washington Redskin Mike Sellers said “reporters”. Since the start of the season, the Skins have faced some of the strongest and most potent criticisms from columnists and radio folk. Today, in an act of pseudo-solidarity, some players refused to speak to the media (Jason Campbell didn’t get that memo).

For a lot of the Skins, the media is at fault for their demise. Local radio just called them “soft” and even Skins legends, like Joe Theismann and John Riggins, have publically declared their anger through the media as well. The media is making the entire situation “worse than what it is”. The season isn’t lost at 2-3, so it’s the media’s fault that everyone wants coach Jim Zorn fired and the whole team imploded.

Every person with a mind knows that is some crap.

This type of media assault has been in the making for the past five years. Thanks to owner/Tom Cruise diaper-changer Daniel Snyder and VP of player personnel Vinny Cerrato, the Skins have become the punching bag of the NFL. Hell, you could argue that Snyder’s shit has hit the fan with the media since he’s pulled off some of the most arrogant and nonsensical signings in NFL history (an aging Deion Sanders and a not over-the-hill but over-the-Allegheny-Mts. Bruce Smith as your first big signings? The hell?).

With NFC East competitors like the Giants and Eagles threatening a Super Bowl run and Dallas’ ever-presence in playoff talks (winning in one….ehh), the Skins cannot afford to fall to 2-4. Guess what, they could. But it’s not that they are just 2-3, they are 2-3 thanks to the Lions, Panthers and Giants. They had to come back to beat a winless Tampa two weeks ago. Simply put, they aren’t that good. So now they want to complain about sympathy?

You win, people like you. You lose, people hate you. That simple. The Skins aren’t winning. Why blame the media when you are the ones strapping up the pads and getting your ass kicked every week. I didn’t know that media members were supposed to provide fellatio at the snap of the football.

The LAST thing that you need to be complaining about is the media. The media doesn’t get stopped at the goal line. The media doesn’t have any receivers. The media didn’t give up 17 points in one quarter. The media didn’t get their ankles snapped by Jake Delhomme on a quarterback option. The media didn’t get sacked five times in a game. The media couldn’t cover. The media didn’t let a player punk them out of a game (hello Mike Sellers). The media didn’t snap the Lions losing streak. That was YOU. You have NO right to be mad at anybody when you’re losing.

Where’s the mirror? Hello, Skins. You’re some garbage and guess what, the media isn’t saying that. The fans are. Are you going to say that they are getting on your nerves too?

Grow some balls. It’s going to get worse. Or what, will that be the media’s fault too?

Required Reading: Beanie Sigel, XXL, September 2005

2009-10-11T18:46:00.006-04:00

Every couple of days, I'll go back into my magazine stash and find some old articles that hold some significance here and now. From hip-hop to sports to politics, see how much little can change and what really stays the same.

A Philly Bravado and Required Reading collaboration. A fresh-out-the-clink Beanie Sigel talks Roc breakup, State Property internal issues and his future rap campaign in the September 2005 issue of XXL.

Very interesting tidbits in this one. Sigel calls out Jay and Dame for their egos getting in the way of keeping the crew alive and speaks on Jay's lack of communication while Beans was locked up. He also had some choice words for Young Chris, who in a previous issue of XXL, allegedly said that State Prop was never really a true unit (almost Wu-like). Beans tooks REAL exception to that one (clearly, it got squashed).

(click to enlarge)

Video: Meek Mill "Hottest In The City"

2009-10-11T00:38:00.002-04:00

Yep, Meek with actual product in the streets. I believe this is off of Meek's tape with DJ Drama. Good for him (seriously).

Father Solicits Sex From Estranged Teenage Daughter via Facebook

2009-10-10T14:36:00.002-04:00

Is this a trend? Geez.

Attorney General Tom Corbett announces the arrest of five Internet predators from Lancaster County, Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and Schuylkill County, including a father who allegedly used the social networking site Facebook to sexually proposition his biological daughter.

A 39-year-old Lititz man, faces charges of unlawful contact with a minor (related to involuntary deviate sexual intercourse), unlawful contact with a minor (related to statutory sexual assault), and criminal attempted incest.

The man allegedly used Facebook to locate and proposition his daughter, calling himself "Big Daddy." He proposed meeting his daughter for sex and discussed sex acts in graphic detail, Corbett said.

The man told the girl, "Not many fathers and daughters are this brave, so not many of them are so lucky to experience these pleasures."

The girl alerted her mother, who contacted Ephrata Borough Police. [Source]

First of all, no 13-year-old should have a Facebook. Secondly, "Big Daddy"? ... Gross.

Lancaster County Man Busted for Allegedly Sexually Propositioning his Biological Daughter on Facebook [Fox 43]

This Will Help Asian-Black Relations

2009-10-08T23:49:00.002-04:00

Everyone has a camera phone, huh? Caught on tape is a fight -- really, an one-sided kurk-out -- between a Asian lady and a Black lady on a bus in San Francisco.

I feel sorry for this girl's mother...

Video via Gawker.

Video: Gucci Mane feat. Plies "Wasted"

2009-10-08T06:33:00.002-04:00

Gucci Mane runs radio right now. You know you know his verse from "Break Up"

Girls are like buses...miss one, next 15 one coming...

Getting Along “Too Well”

2009-10-08T06:22:00.003-04:00

In all the jobs I’ve held, I’ve always had one co-worker that I vibe with very well. At my first job, his name was Eric. From the first day, he and I clicked, laughing and joking as if we knew each other for a long time. We got so cool that eventually management purposely wanted to split us apart, citing some unsubstantiated – and ridiculously “high school” – rumor that Eric and I were in a relationship. Never mind the fact that Eric had a girlfriend and never mind the fact that I had some other “relationship” drama at the job, people still believed that him and I were knocking boots after happy hour.

So at my new job, I’ve clicked with another male co-worker. Though we met a few days ago, we’re vibing with each other very well except things seem a little more expedited.

We already play fight, already had some deep conversations. There were one or two looks at each other that were questionable. I can’t front, his smile KILLS me. Needless to say, I’m getting a tad bit concerned because isn’t it a tad bit too early to be getting along this well?

The more I think about it (trust, it’s all I think about right now…), the more I think that what he and I have is no different than what Eric and I had. Eric became my big brother at my job, watching my back and defending me when need be. After I left to go back to school, he and I vowed to remain in touch and we do. So new dude and I are going to be aight, right?

Here’s where I’m concerned. After a few weeks of working with Eric, I developed a crush on him. A HUGE crush on him. I can remember when I found out that he had a girlfriend. I was CRUSHED. I remember going to my Aunt’s house, venting for hours about how someone so “perfect” was so damn unattainable. Every other sentence: “Dammit! Why does he have a girlfriend?!” Admittedly naïve at that time, I guess it was easy for me to take Eric’s behavior with me as him flirting or liking me. To this day, he and I laugh about it. It was cute.

So with this new situation, I’m a tad bit nervous. Conventional wisdom would say that it isn’t that big of a deal. Men and woman can get along like that and it’s not anything but just that: getting along. However, others will say that it could manifest into something else if you aren’t careful. At this point, I’ve playing it day by day, not trying to over think the situation. We’re co-workers. It’s imperative that we get along with each other; it makes work a WHOLE lot easier. But where’s the line … and why do I want to cross it?

College Bans Dorm Sex with Roomate Present

2009-10-05T00:09:00.004-04:00

The ever-present world of freshman dorm room/ brothels on Friday and Saturday nights is officially a wrap at Tufts University.

Penn State sophomore Ricky Morales and his roommates worked it out themselves: If the others are asleep, it's OK to have sex with a partner in the room.

"It's all about communication. That's what it comes down to," said Morales, a journalism major from Stroudsburg, Pa.

But at Tufts University near Boston, students apparently weren't able to negotiate such delicate matters so deftly.

After receiving about a dozen complaints in the last several years from a student body of 5,000, the upscale private university this fall took what is at the very least an unusual step in the world of college housing: It banned in writing sex with a roommate present. [Source]

I happen to think that it shouldn't take a housing rule for two people to figure out the ground rules of their room. In my years of college life, it was a given: If one of us is in the room, none of us will play. That simple. Now, some people may not have a problem with hearing squeaky dorm beds rocking back and forth while their trying to sleep but honestly, I don't think I wanna know those folks.

College sex unnecessary, many say [Philadelphia Inquirer]

Note: Speaking of sex, "What's Sex to a Teenager" is postponed until next month because I finally found a job. Woohoo! Therefore, expect for that stuff next month and also expect for posting to slow down a tad until I can figure out how to work this blog around it.

Required Reading: Brett Favre, ESPN The Magazine, January 2003

2009-10-03T17:14:00.005-04:00

Every couple of days, I'll go back into my magazine stash and find some old articles that hold some significance here and now. From hip-hop to sports to politics, see how much little can change and what really stays the same.

Just in case you've been hanging in a sand dune for the past week (don't blame you), Brett Favre is facing his former team, the Green Bay Packers, on Monday Night Football. From the January 6th, 2003 issue of ESPN The Magazine, Brett Favre gives a first person account of what it's like to be a quarterback in the NFL. Interesting read since Favre contradicts himself a few times especially when he says that he can't get away with what wide receivers do -- being outspoken and flamboyant -- since he's a QB.

Please.

We all know during these past five years, Favre has got away with everything. He could probably kill someone and people would still go to bat for the guy. "He still has the heart and the arm". Oh boo.

(click to enlarge)

AJ Jewell, Fiance of RHOA castmate Kandi Burruss, Killed In Brawl

2009-10-03T03:09:00.003-04:00

According to WSB in Atlanta and The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Real Housewives of Atlanta castmate Kandi Burruss lost her fiance, AJ Jewell, in a brawl outside of the Body Tap strip club in Atlanta, apparently from head injuries.

Kandi, in an recent interview with Essence Magazine, stated that she and AJ were no longer together but they remained cordial throughout their separation. She also mentioned that AJ purchased a strip club before his death. No word yet if it was Body Tap.

There was a lot of drama surrounding the Kandi-AJ relationship on and off RHOA. When Kandi was announced as the new castmate, the internets, mostly Atlanta-based blogs, posted info claiming that AJ was the father of six kids (eventually confirmed on the show) and that he dabbled in some illegal activities (word was that he was a major player in the ATL drug game). Kandi vehemently denied that AJ's second home was the trap. As for the kids, AJ's children became an area of conflict on RHOA between Kandi and her mother, who did not approve of their relationship.

Regardless of how AJ was portrayed on RHOA or the internets, six children no longer have a father. My heart goes out to Kandi and AJ's families.

And The Church Says … I’m Gay!

2009-10-02T03:50:00.000-04:00

In July, I wrote about church-play-circuit actor Terrell Carter, outed by an ex-boyfriend via. Twitter. In that blog, I spoke on the difficulty for Carter to come out and how his environment - around church folk - made his “secret” even harder to control hence it coming out not under his terms. While Carter hasn’t confirmed his sexuality (the gay community pretty much did YEARS ago), another figure in the Black church and gospel industry has come out of the closet.

Gospel singer and SUPER-eccentric character Tonex recently admitted that he was Gay. For those outside of the gospel realm that has heard of Tonex, they kind of had a clue that he was batting from the left side of the plate but within church circles, this set off a firestorm. It prompted him to do an interview with blogger and activist Darian Aaron, fighting back at those in the church who have called him a hypocrite.

Is he really? One of the unwritten facts of the Black church is that the choir director is probably gay. Homosexuality is considered a sin but since the choir director put together a slamming rendition of “Jesus Can Work It Out”, it’s aight. Only God can judge him, right?

Even as someone who recently had a very intense religious awakening, I still can’t deny the fact that I love my Gay family. I don’t look at them as “sinners” or “degenerates”. I look at them as people and I think God does too.

If God can look at me and all of my mess-ups and say that I still have a shot, I think He ain’t shaking in his boots that his some of his creations are Gay. Oh and please don’t quote Leviticus. EVERY Bible verse is up to interpretation. How do you think the many denominations of Christianity were formed? Because the varying interpretations of the Bible spoke to someone in such a way that they felt it was their duty to serve the Lord in whatever way those words compelled them.

That’s why, at the end of the day, the only person that cares about what you think of him, is Him. Tonex doesn’t owe the church any explanation. That’s only a conversation that he has with God.

WATCH: Gospel Star Tonex Confirms Rumors and Same Sex Attraction [Rod 2.0]
WATCH: Gospel Singer Tonex on Black Church's Hypocrisy on Gays [Rod 2.0]
Is Black America Ready For A Gay Rapper?!? [AverageBro]

Oprah and First Lady in Copenhagen

2009-10-01T17:35:00.002-04:00

"Black Women Power Grid" OVERLOAD!

(via HuffPo)

Maybe Not: Nike Denies Vick Endorsement

2009-10-01T16:11:00.002-04:00

The world was in a tizzy -- me included -- when word got out that Philadelphia Eagles' QB Michael Vick signed a new endorsement deal with Nike. In response to the Philadelphia Business Journal report, Nike denies that Vick is a new spokesman for the brand.

Via sports business guru Darren Rovell:

A day after an official with the agency that represents Michael Vick told a crowded conference in New York City that Vick had recently re-signed with Nike, a Nike spokesman told CNBC that the company has no agreement with the backup Philadelphia Eagles quarterback.

“Nike does not have a contractual relationship with Michael Vick," Nike spokesman Kejuan Wilkins said, in a statement. "We have agreed to supply product to Michael Vick as we do a number of athletes who are not under contract with Nike.”

On Wednesday, Mike Principe, the managing director of BEST, which represents Vick, announced that Nike was back with Nike. The comments were made at the Relay Sports Symposium in New York - an event hosted by the SportsBusiness Journal. [Source]

When Best said that Vick was "back with Nike", he really didn't mean "back endorsing for Nike". It was put out that way and the streets, including myself, ran with it. No one thought to check with Nike before they published that report. Juicy for exclusives and web hits, aren't we?

Guilty.

Nike: We Don't Have Contract With Vick [Sports Biz with Darren Rovell]

Video: Freeway "Old to the New/Attitude"

2009-10-01T03:33:00.003-04:00

(Props to OnSmash)

When The Money Goes...

2009-09-30T19:07:00.003-04:00

Today, you’ll always hear stories about professional athletes claiming to be broke, often declaring bankruptcy. The reasons for why this happens include frivolous spending, bad investments and financial support for friends and family. These casualties of big contracts often leave athletes pinching pennies at old age

But what happens when, during their young years of wild spending, one of those athletes die? What happens to the friends and family that were used to extravagant lifestyles? In the case of Donna Junor, the mother of slain Washington Redskin Sean Taylor, you’re left with bills, a foreclosure threat and without a dime to your name.

Junor, in today’s Washington Post, alleges that when Sean passed away two years ago, the victim of a heinous home invasion, she did not receive any money from his estate. Sean, like many young people, never wrote a will. Therefore, the money in his estate went to those who were designated to receive it: his child’s mother, his father and his sister.

Like many athletes, Sean was not shy about his spending. He often dropped duffle bags full of money to his brothers and sisters (ironically, one of those bags led to the home invasion that took Sean’s life). His mother was also on the receiving end of this generosity. She received a home and car from Sean, which he was paying for.

Once Sean passed, the bills piled up, threatening to force Sean’s mother out of her home. While she received her degree last year, she’s been unable to hold steady employment, so she’s owes about 10,000 in home association fees and back taxes. All she wonders is why she can’t receive money and his sister can (she received about 100 grand from his estate). Like Sean’s mother, his sister says that the distribution of the estate was unfair however people would have to learn to buckle down and handle their business.

This situation raises some interesting conundrums. First, how imperative is it for athletes to establish wills and other legal decrees while they are alive? While Sean’s passing was a shock to all, he felt that if something was to happen, he wanted his money to go to the people that he trusted the most. After Sean’s death, many NFL players publically stated that they were in fear for their lives because of their riches. The last thing they worry about is who should give a dime when they pass.

Secondly, what does it say that Sean’s mother is asking for a handout? In that same article, Sean’s brother said that he didn’t want a dime and that he’s doing alright. People were this way before Sean cut his biggest check. Does Sean’s mother deserve something? Yeah, of course but if she hasn’t been trying to take care of her situation, then how much of a side-eye can you give her?

Lastly, how many of these stories do we have to hear before all professional leagues educate their players about their money? You would think since these leagues – owners and GMs – put all this money in these dude’s pockets – their own little investments – that they would be steadfast in ensuring that those funds don’t go to waste.

Sean Taylor’s family predicament ain’t nothing new but it’s sad nonetheless. Somebody get Michael Crabtree on the phone, please?

Two Years After Sean Taylor's Death, His Mother Faces a Wall of Hardship [Washington Post]

BREAKING: Michael Vick Signs NEW Deal w/ Nike

2009-09-30T18:47:00.002-04:00

My little-beacon-of-hope, Michael Vick, lost his first endorsement deal with Nike after he was charged and later convicted of dogfighting charges. Fresh out of his first week in the NFL, Vick and Nike reunite.

Street & Smith’s SportsBusiness Journal is reporting that Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Michael Vick has signed an endorsement deal with Nike.

Mike Principe, managing director for BEST, the agency that represents Vick, said Wednesday the deal had been reached but would reveal no other details. He referred other questions to Vick’s personal agent, Joel Segal.

"Mike has had a great relationship with Nike and is excited to be part of the Nike team again," said Segal, who negotiated the Nike deal as well as Vick's deal to return to the NFL as a member of the Philadelphia Eagles. Segal wouldn't reveal any details of the deal, saying that Nike and Vick agreed not to discuss terms.

Vick will wear Nike shoes, gear and apparel. "He has always been a fan of the brand and looks forward to the relationship," Segal said. [Source]

Nike ran faster than Vick against Florida State when those dogfighting charges were filed. I wonder how Nike will use Vick in their products, especially since he isn't a starter. Curious about this.

Michael Vick signs Nike endorsement deal [Philadelphia Business Journal]

Non Sequitur Presents “What’s Sex to a Teenager?”

2009-09-30T04:57:00.001-04:00

Think back to when you first felt yourself becoming attracted to someone. Do you remember how your body when through weird but necessary twitches? What about when you felt a flash of heat in the place you didn’t think could feel that? For the fellas, you had to remember the first time you pitched a tent in class, praying that it would go away before next period, right?

When you first kissed someone? Had a boyfriend or girlfriend? When you broke your virginity? When you almost did but didn’t? When you heard that your best friend was pregnant? When you saw a bump or two that wasn’t there before? When you fell in love or thought you did? When you heart was broken for the first time? When you thought that no one wanted you? When you thought that being a relationship controlled your popularity? When you realized that masturbation wasn’t really a bad thing? When you breathed a sigh of relief because you didn’t get caught doing it?

When you’re a teenager, sex and everything related to it consumes your life. Mostly every decision that you make involving sex, relationship and intimacy is controlled by these hormones that you have yet to grasp the concept. In some cases, those same decisions were downright stupid or regrettable. In other cases, it saved your life. But we can all agree that as adults, we have a better idea of the beast we’re dealing with.

But look around today. You can’t tell me that today’s teenagers are dealing with things in a way that doesn’t freak you out. They’re learning about things – and in some cases doing things – that we didn’t know about or dared to do until we were older. Wanna talk “ahead of the class”?

“What’s Sex to a Teenager?” takes a look at how teenagers look at sex and how our generation didn’t have that differently. This series will also look at the changes in sex education, impact of social networking on building relationships, internet’s impact on teenage promiscuity, sexual orientation, the impact of STDs on our youth and much more.

The ten-part series, “What’s Sex to a Teenager?”, starts Monday, October 5th!

Chris Brown feat. Lil Wayne and Swizz Beatz "I Can Transform Ya"

2009-09-30T04:34:00.004-04:00

Also known as the "Late 2009/Early 2010 Trickin' Anthem"

Listen/Download

(Props to Nah Right ... #NRFF!)

Derrion Albert = Jena Six

2009-09-29T18:19:00.003-04:00

For the past 36 hours, I’ve been trying to think of the best way to approach the heinous death of 16-year-old Derrion Albert, beat to death by fellow teenagers in Chicago. The more I think about what happened, the more I find myself enraged and upset at the crime itself and the attention that it has received. Anyone who follows the news knows that Chicago has been out of the control. Students shot, stabbed, beat to death on the daily. However, up to Derrion’s death, most people (ie. my people) didn’t care enough to make a blip about the problem. You should have seen Twitter yesterday; it was full of people expressing their displeasure for teen violence as if it was now a problem. Anybody living in any major metropolitan area knows ten or twelve Derrion Alberts.

That’s why this situation reeks of Jena Six to me. For those who lived under a damn rock, six Black teenage boys were arrested and charged with murder for an attack on a White student in the small Southern town of Jena, LA. This case caused national outrage amongst folks who thought that a school yard fight didn’t constitute murder charges under any circumstance. Racism was alleged – here comes Sharpton and Jesse – and people gathered in the small town to protest the charges. You know you wore Black that day.

I was one of the people that didn’t. Don’t get me wrong, extraneous charges are extraneous charges but you can’t say that those six boys didn’t deserve ONE charge from that fight. Forget that, it wasn’t a fight, it was an ass-kicking. Six dudes on one dude … out of line. For people to scream “No Justice, No Peace” for those individuals was crazy. They kicked and stomped that dude. How did Derrion die? Kicked and stomped.

The biggest thing I can take out of the Jena Six debauchery is that it was the realest case of reactionary behavior I’ve ever seen. Nobody gave a damn about those six boys until they got caught with a murder charge. Where were the people in their lives when they were first getting in trouble? Nowhere to be found. We always talk about Black men this and that and woe is me but where are the people trying to prevent those “woe is me” moments?

Those kids who viciously killed Derrion Albert had people around them that knew they weren’t doing right but sat around, just knowing that something tragic was going to happen. For all we know, no one said “let’s help these kids before they kill somebody”. Guess what, they killed somebody and everyone is pointing fingers at each other instead of looking inward , saying “what could I do to make sure this doesn’t happen again”.

Do you remember what happened after Jena Six? People stopped caring. The t-shirts went away. The protests stopped. The demagogues packed up their bags and left town. What happened to those boys? One slammed a boy’s head into table, one shot himself because he didn’t want to go back to jail for shoplifting. The others got caught with money in their mouths, looking like 21st century Jim Crow images. They all went back to getting into the same petty acts that led them to beating down that boy. Where are all those people who wrote 100-pages-long diatribes about this? Nowhere to be found.

Tell me how the Derrion Albert situation will be different?

Guess what? It won’t.

Man Admits Duct-taping Cat

2009-09-28T16:53:00.004-04:00

Why someone would do this, I have no idea...

Via The Philadelphia Inquirer:

"Sticky" still doesn't have a home, but she's closer to getting justice for being body-wrapped in duct-tape and abandoned last week.

Saturday evening, following a tip, Pennsylvania SPCA law enforcement officers arrested James Davis, 19, of the 2100 block of 22d Street in North Philadelphia, according to the Pennsylvania SPCA.

If convicted, Davis faces up to two years in prison and a fine of at least $1,000, the PSPCA said.

Contrary to other reports, Davis did not turn himself in, said George Bengal, the nonprofit's director of law enforcement.

Davis admitted to impulsively taping up the cat after seeing it in the yard of the home where he lives with his parents, Bengal said.

Davis left the cat in his yard for a couple of hours, then, because the animal kept screaming, tossed it into a neighbor's yard, where at least 12 hours passed before she was noticed and authorities were contacted, Bengal said. [Source]

Duct-tape though? Yeah, I don't get that one either. Looking at him (above), I don't think he does either.

PSPCA: 19-year-old confesses to duct-taping cat [Philadelphia Inquirer]

Sickening Repetition

2009-09-28T01:20:00.002-04:00

Remind me to make a mix CD on my next road trip.

This past Saturday, my “sister” Robin and I decided to make a trip to Cherry Hill, NJ for a mall fashion show hosted by What Not to Wear’s Clinton Kelly (don’t judge me). It’s about a two and a half hour drive from Maryland, nothing too crazy. While we were in the car, reminiscing about people – man, did I find out some stuff – and talking about other shenanigans, we kept getting interrupted by the same damn songs.

Seriously, the same four songs were played over and over and over. If I ever hear that bass line to Mario’s “Breakup”, I’m going to scream. It was either that song, “Run This Town”, Maxwell’s “Pretty Wings”, the atrocious “LOL :-)” – why, Trey, why? – or some Drake song , take your pick. When we hit the Philly area, both urban radio stations were playing the same exact song. Foul.

Radio is sorry. The same five or six songs should not be played every hour. I never listened to radio when I was in Philly and honestly, I see why. With the advent of attachments for IPods and mp3s for cars and classic mix CD, people can actually listen to whatever the hell they want to. You don’t have to sit through countless plays of the same songs over again. What’s the point?

They play these songs as if we’re never going to hear them again, it’s ridiculous. Now I see how, as a teenager, it was easy to get indoctrinated into what songs I should or shouldn’t like. Radio was the outlet for hearing new music, so if you heard a song 10 to 12 times a day, it’s going to stick with you. It’s rare to have one of those “the radio plays this?” moments anymore. I could probably, in my sleep, predict the top 20 songs played on radio right now. Am I the only person that finds that ridiculously pathetic?

Video: Reed Dollaz "This Is For The Hood"

2009-09-26T00:46:00.001-04:00

WACKEST Philly rapper with clout. Yeah, I said it.

Khloe + Lamar = Huh?

2009-09-25T13:31:00.002-04:00

Yep, I don't get this one either. Khloe Kardashian, the sister of everyone's favorite amateur porn vag Kim Kardashian, and Lakers forward Lamar Odom are apparently engaged to get married after only dating a whopping fourweeks.

Since my ass is single, I try to not judge people's relationships because at the end of the day, I don't have one BUT this is one of those moments when I feel that I need to say something.

You wanna talk about being desperate. This shit right here is DESPERATE. There is no way in hell that you can know before your next menstrual cycle whether you want to marry someone. What part of the game is that?

We don't know if Khloe and Lamar knew each other longer than the both have put on. Nonetheless, the notion of getting married to someone at this clip is absurd. Maybe being in the house with a sister having a baby out of wedlock (Kourtney) and a sister whose 3 year relationship just went bye-bye will make you want to lock it down.

Whatever her reasoning may be to marry Lamar (I could really give a damn at the end of the day), I hope she realizes that it's better to be happy and alone. Trust.

Video: Tiron "Throwing My Money"

2009-09-25T12:56:00.004-04:00

I heard this song on DJ Sean G's Lever 2000 mixtape (hosted by Pac Div) about a year and some change ago. Tiron decided to drop a visual for it so it's better late than never, right?

Props to OnSmash

Did You Miss Me?

2009-09-24T15:07:00.003-04:00

When people ask me whether they should start blogging, one of the first things I lament is that "life doesn't give a damn if you blog or not". Blogging is a commitment that, if serious about, can take up a lot of your time. Most people realize this and stop or just forget to update the thing or just don't give a damn anymore.

In my case, life decided that it wanted to crash on my couch for a few days so I couldn't update this blog. It also doesn't help when the internet isn't working in the house and you have to trek your ass to the nearest Starbucks or Barnes & Noble (the Humor section is to the left of me).

That being said, I will be updating this blog very soon (like next 10 minutes). All the shit I promised last week will be available next week. I got more pressing things to worry about (including my Philadelphia Eagles ... sheesh!)

Required Reading: "It's The Roc!" The Source Sept. 2002

2009-09-20T18:42:00.000-04:00

In honor of Jay's crazy BP3 first week numbers, I went back into my stash to find an old Roc-a-Fella article from the September 2002 issue of The Source.

In this article, Jay talks about Nas post-mock-hanging-at-Summer Jam-gate, Jaz-O and Foxy, handing over the reigns to Beanie Sigel and Cam'Ron (rumored to be part of the dissolution of Jay and Dame Dash's relationship) and how September 11th affected him. He also references to a "black album" to finish off his career. Speaking of Cam'ron, he speaks on his relationship with Jay and how he would go to battle for him when need be, no Wet Wipes.

Dame, on the other hand, takes MAD shots at then Def Jam head honcho Lyor Cohen, accusing him of selling the Roc to Jay behind Dame and Biggs back. Funny thing is, this would also be assumed as a breaking point for the Roc.

Click the images to enlarge.

Female NFL Refs Sooner Than We Think?

2009-09-20T04:26:00.004-04:00

Last week, I made a statement about NFL commish Roger Goodell giving a female a chance to be a referee. Word is that there could be someone already lined up for that position. Here name is Sarah Thomas.

According to an article in the New York Times, Thomas is currently the only female ref in major (Division I) college football. There are three other females refs patrolling the sidelines in the division formerly-known-as Division I-AA (SWAC and MEAC conferences, respectively).

After working the New Orleans Saints training camp, Thomas is in the conversations to be the first female NFL referee. I can't wait for Thomas to get the call.

>> Click Here To Read <<

Video: Laura Izibor "Don't Stay"

2009-09-20T03:30:00.003-04:00

Just caught this video last week. Fell in love with the song instantly. Sometimes you have to let go of people not just for the betterment of you but for that person as well. I think that's the story of my premature love life. *sigh*

Laura Izibor - Don't Stay

My first crush, Rob Brown (Finding Forrester) is in this too, all grown and shit. I was in giggles the whole time watching the video like I was 12 again. So damn fine. Still is. *sigh again*

Hofstra Student Recants Gang Rape Story, Suspects Released

2009-09-17T19:46:00.004-04:00

Yes meant yes until the boyfriend found out.

A Hofstra University student who claimed four men gang-raped her has admitted to making the story up and four of the men she falsely accused were released from custody last night after spending two days behind bars, authorities said.

Kevin Taveras, one of the four men initially charged in the "incident," says he's happy to be breathing fresh air again.

The 20-year-old smiled broadly outside his Brentwood home, hours after rape charges against him and three others were dropped in a headline-making case at Hofstra University.

"It didn't look good for us," Taveras, a dispatcher for Cablevision, told NBC New York. "I thought we would do time." [Source]

I’m very late on this story – didn’t even know about it until I heard the charges were dropped – but this is what I can piece together about the case. Apparently, the alleged victim met the four accused – Taveras, Rondell Bedward, Jesus Ortiz, and Stalin Felipe – at a frat party on Hofstra’s campus. She alleged that the one of the four men, one a Hofstra student, jokingly stole her phone in hopes of her leaving the party. At that point, the accuser alleged that the four men – with another man who was never charged – lured her into a dorm bathroom, tied her up and gang raped her.

Four of the five suspects were charged with rape. In questioning, one of the suspects stated that there was visual evidence – a video phone recording of consensual sex between the alleged victim and the accused – that would contradict the rape accusations. Once the accuser was asked about the alleged recording, she confessed to having consensual sex with the men and that she made the whole rape story up after her boyfriend found out about what had happened that night.

Now, the four men are planning to sue the accuser, who could be charged with making a false police report. While the accuser has been suspended from campus, the one Hofstra suspect was allowed to continue his studies at the school.

Of course, the race angle was brought into this. The suspects were minorities – three Latino and one African-American. While we don’t know the race of the accuser, many have suggested that because they were young Black or Latino men, they were guilty as charged in the case from the start. Like, what would four Black and Latino dudes be doing on a college campus anyway?

As I roll my eyes at the latter statement, I bet that went through the minds of many when they heard about this case. College campuses are notorious for knocking “undesirables” off of their grounds to protect the safety of the students. While there’s a legitimate reason for that – who wants to be sexually-harassed leaving a bar – and a logic behind it, the notion that these four guys went on this campus to prey on little incident White girl is absurd. It’s like Duke Rape case redux: “Powerful” men (in the Duke case, strictly financial and White) taking advantage of a weak-minded girl who didn’t know any better. Clearly, shorty in this situation wanted to get ran over by a train and once she had to face her boyfriend, she got scared.

For the dudes to sue? Ehh … not so sure. The charges were dropped and they were never prosecuted in court. It’s a blip. No one’s rep was ruined. The DA didn’t jump to the white community of Hofstra and said “We’re going to lock these monkeys down!” because it’s an election year and we need the votes. The police did their job. These guys should go back to living their lives without a hitch. They’ll be aight. Suing the girl would throw their character into question, a character that ran a train on a girl in a campus bathroom. That’s not cute.

What really isn’t cute is making up a rape. For those girls who actually get raped at a college party, they’ll be afraid to come forward because no one will believe them. Colleges don’t care as much as they should about rape and sexual assault already. Why make it worse?

Hofstra Rape Accuser Recants Tale, May Face Charges [NBC New York]

Video: Fat Joe feat. Pleasure P and Rico Love "Aloha"

2009-09-17T01:15:00.003-04:00

One of those songs I'm embarrassed to admit that I listen to. Whatever, I like it. Everybody knows I stan for Pleasure P anyway.

(Props to OnSmash)

Of Course, She's a Kicker...

2009-09-16T09:00:00.000-04:00

Deptford High School (NJ) senior Samantha Dimitri allegedly became the first female football player to score in Jersey high school sports history.

Via The Philly Inquirer:

According to area historian Chuck Langerman, Dimitri became the first female in South Jersey to kick a field goal, which she booted from 23 yards out.

She was also perfect on her two conversion kicks, finishing a memorable debut that mirrored her performance the previous October, when the Deptford juniors played the seniors in power-puff football.

In that game, Dimitri was successful on all five of her conversion kicks, and word got back to varsity football coach Al Orio.

It turns out that Orio knew Dimitri well since he is Deptford's junior varsity softball coach, and she is a varsity player.

One thing led to another, and Dimitri tried out for the football team and not only made the squad but beat out two other hopefuls for the kicking job. She also tried out for the punting job but did not win that. [Source]

I don't see the big deal about this really. Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of what she accomplished but at the end of the day, she's playing in a position with the least amount of contact. She's a kicker for goodness sakes. Ain't nobody going to lay a hand on her. Now, if she scored in a full contact position, then I'd be all over this but until then, it's been there, done that.

A female NFL referee wouldn't hurt though. Commish Goodell needs to get on that, pronto.

Deptford girl splits the uprights as a kicker [Philadelphia Inquirer]

Aunts Know Best

2009-09-14T17:51:00.002-04:00

Kanye West’s little temper tantrum during Sunday’s nights VMAs reminded me of a conversation I had with my Aunt a year or so ago.

I was dating this individual who’s certain character traits used to get on my nerves. I would always find myself complaining to my friends about the “childish” or “immature” things this person did. Even though those things used to irk me in the worst way, I couldn’t leave that person alone, even though I knew what was going to happen, especially when and how.

So after a really tense argument, I called my Aunt to complain – again – about what this person did. After thirty minutes of me popping off at the mouth, she stopped me and said “either you accept this person for who this person is and deal with it or you leave that person alone.” Needless to say, I let that person go but ultimately, let them come back around because the good eclipsed the “bad”. Of course, the "bad" never left.

Kanye’s talent can’t be matched by many in this industry but that doesn’t take away from the fact that he’s proven time and time again that he can be EXTREMELY tacky and out of line. What he did to Taylor Swift has been done by him before. However, because a mass amount of people haven’t exorcised themselves from Kanye the entertainer, complaining about his behavior is moot. If you accept Kanye, you accept his behavior. Don’t act all surprised when, not if, that shit happens again.

VLOG: "What's Sex to a Teenager?"

2009-09-14T12:00:00.002-04:00

What's Sex To A Teenager? from Ciara on Vimeo.

Just a little intro to my new series, "What's Sex to a Teenager?", coming soon (like this week). More details in the coming days.

Incest via the Internet: Mom Sexes Long-Lost Son She Located via. The Web

2009-09-12T18:13:00.002-04:00

Put this in the "grossed the hell out" file. A Michigan mother located her son that she gave up for adoption. Her idea of "getting caught up" involved knockin' boots with the boy.

A 35-year-old Michigan woman had sex with her teenage son she had given up for adoption years earlier, authorities allege.

The Oakland Press in Pontiac reported Thursday that police charged Aimee Louise Sword of Waterford Township with third-degree sexual assault over her alleged sexual relationship with her son, whose specific age and identity were not reported.

Authorities allege more than 10 years after she gave her son up for adoption, Sword found the teenager through the Internet and their incestuous relationship began. [Source]

I can't lie ... I've had a fear about something like this happening (not to this degree though, hell no). Like a lot of people with GIANT families, I've used the internet and social networking sites to locate aunts and cousins. But I've also met some really good people over the net as well. When I moved to Philly for school, I used to vet the hell out of people to make sure we weren't related (I got family all over Philly). I'm not trying to bump uglies with a cousin-through-marriage-twice-removed, trust.

Michigan woman accused of sleeping with son [UPI via Jezebel]

"Why You Wanna Play Your Games on Me?"

2009-09-12T17:57:00.002-04:00

One of the best New Jack Swing slow jams of the era.

Today, you wouldn't be able to get away with a name like Chuckii Booker. Oh no.

“State Prop, You Know Us”

2009-09-12T13:53:00.003-04:00

Something was missing from Jay-Z’s AMAZING “Answer the Call” 9/11 Benefit concert: State Property. When Jay was going through his medley of hits, including the rarely-performed “Feelin It”, I was waiting for “What We Do” or “You, Me, Him and Her” to come blasting from the speakers and for Freeway and Beanie Sigel to come and rock out on stage. Hell, I could even see Chris and Neef (The Young Gunz) doing the Philly bop on stage with their SP brothers. So when the concert ended, even as dope and outstanding as it was, I was like “Damn, I wish State Prop would’ve came out”.

Apparently, I wasn’t the only one. My Twitter timeline was filled with people who wanted the same thing: A pseudo-State Property reunion. Like others, one of my favorite parts of Jay’s “retirement” concert at the Garden was the “What We Do/You, Me, Him or Her/Roc the Mic”-State Property medley. Seeing Free do his verse from “What We Do” with Jay telling him to “keep going” was crazy. Sad thing is … that may have been the last time SP and Jay were EVER that tight.

The relationship between SP and Jay has been a rocky one since that concert. While Jay said in an interview recently that he still talks to Chris and Freeway, other SP members haven’t been so chummy. For a good portion of 2008, Peedi Crakk made his choice to take what seemed to be unsolicited shots – who knows what was said privately – at Jay with his “Camel Face Hunting Season” mixtape. Peedi contended that State Property got the short end of the stick when Jay and Dame Dash made their now-infamous split.

As reported, when the dissolution of the Roc happened, artists on the label had to choose sides, including State Property. While Beans landed with Dame, The Young Gunz and Freeway went with Jay while the rest of SP … well, it depends on who you talk to. In that same interview, Jay – who called Peedi Crakk “psycho” (I giggled profusely at that, sorry) when asked about him – said that he gave people an opportunity to have a career and that it’s up to them to decide whether they run with it. In true hip-hop contrarian fashion, members of SP, including Freeway, have aired their grievances publicly in the past, stating that Jay “hasn’t done enough”. Their history with Jay should be enough for him to throw a scrap or two their way.

That history is something that Hip-Hop has failed to repeat. The world knew they had something when State Prop annihilated everybody in their path with their infamous 2001 Hot 97 freestyle. As epic as it was to hear – you’ll be amazed how many people have that session on tape – and to see (check it on YouTube), it could only be matched by the collaborations. Who doesn’t know Beans verse from “Do It Again” word for word? State Property was also Jay’s henchmen, taking on their bosses’ competition, no holds barred (Beans v. Jada, nuff said) It was a partnership that would be fruitful for both: Freeway, Sigel and Young Gunz dropped critically-acclaimed albums and State Prop’s style rubbed off on Jay (some even say that he changed his flow thanks to Young Chris, but that’s one hell of a hip-hop conspiracy).

What isn’t a conspiracy is that hip-hop fans still clamor for the “Chain Gang”. While Chris, Free and Beans continue to drop music, Oschino and Omillio Sparks are still putting out music when they feel like it. As for Peedi, he’s state property for real. Hip-Hop’s wet dream of seeing State Property back together – the whole not parts –isn’t going to happen anytime soon. Jay is performing in Philly later on this year, so there’s some hope of Chris, Neef, Beans and Freeway cameos. While SP and Jay’s relationship may be up in the air, you can’t take away what those dudes from Philly have accomplished. If you can’t respect their impact, “get down or lay down”.

Did Trey Songz Just Save R&B?

2009-09-11T16:54:00.002-04:00

When Trey Songz dropped his mixtape, Anticipation, back in June, there was this buzz in the air that couldn’t be matched by any R&B artist out at the time. The Internets were going crazy about Songz’ tape with all original material as if it was his latest studio release. People were anticipating (no pun intended) Ready, his third studio album, at a fervor only matched by Hip-Hop standards. So with the ladies in tow – check out his Twitter page for the hysteria – and male R&B to himself, most wondered whether Trey’s hype would manifest into sales.

It did. Trey sold about 120,000 copies of Ready, making it the number two R&B album in the country behind Whitney Houston’s return disc. When Ready leaked two weeks ago, many on the net knew that Trey’s Billboard numbers wouldn’t reflect the feeding frenzy of the internet. As one person said eloquently on Twitter: “These chicks may wanna f*** Trey Songz but that doesn’t mean they’ll buy his album”. Twitter was out of control when leaked copies of Ready hit the internet but he still put up numbers only to be rivaled by Maxwell’s BlackSummersNight.

So for a guy loved by women and respected by men, he changed the course of R&B with one release single-handedly. Question is … did Trey Songz just save it?

Simple answer is no. Trey didn’t save R&B in its entirety but he did put the rest of male R&B not named Ne-Yo or The Dream on his back and put in work. Trust, it needed the help.

If Hip-Hop was taking a hit in sales, R&B was suffering from continuous sucker punches. For a genre full of some of the biggest Urban acts of the moment – Beyonce, Alicia Keys, Mary J. Blige, Ne-Yo, The Dream and others – and moderate sales and success the boot, lesser-known artists were taking major hits in the charts and Trey Songz was one of them. His first two albums, while critically-acclaimed, were duds on the charts by today’s standards. For a guy extremely talented, shit wouldn’t stick. But then something happened
.
Something that I still can’t figure out. For a while, Trey was one of those forgotten dudes in R&B. In a matter of six months, Trey’s fan base multiplies. How the hell does that happen?

Trey fills a void in R&B: the crooner. There was a time in R&B where you couldn’t stop being bombarded with male singers vying to make a chick’s panties wet. The two guys responsible for that, R. Kelly in the 1990s and Usher in this decade, are NOWHERE to be found (yes, I know Kelly is about to drop an album but you can’t say he ain’t Trey Songz Lite with his new single “Number 1”). While The Dream and Ne-Yo make sexy records, many will say that they aren’t lookers like Trey Songz. Trey smiles … panties wet. Trey sings … panties wet. Trey looks like he’s about to take his shirt off … panties wet. Trey does it … orgasm. He’s the new ladies man of R&B.

And speaking of R. Kelly, I think it also helps when the guy that you emulate unabashedly decides to play with the masses and dumb down his music completely. The music that Trey is making – albeit different from Kelly – is reminiscent of Kelly’s first solo album, 12 Play. 12 Play is full of “come home and f*ck me” records. Ready? Same deal. Not too vulgar or raw but a degree above tasteful. Perfect.

Perfect as Ready. A fan since he came out, I like the way Ready sounds compared to his second album, Trey Day. Trey Day paid homage to what was current (check the production credits and see). While it had its standout tracks, it failed to me because it represented everything wrong that was infiltrating R&B: gratuitous rapper cameos, lack of diversity in sounds and an attempt to grab audiences that wouldn’t pay any mind in the first place. Trey Day tried to grab every piece of the market and failed. I can’t even listen to some of it, it’s that bad.

But Trey redeemed himself with Ready. He got down with Troy Taylor, knocked out a cohesive album and won. 115,000 wins to be exact.

The Washington Times Feature on Brian Orakpo

2009-09-11T13:24:00.003-04:00

The Washington Times wrote a dope article on Washington Redskins' linebacker Brian Orakpo for today's paper. I remember when I first saw him at the NFL Draft. My first words were "Who the f*** is THAT wildebeest?!" This kid is a beast -- literally. I expect for him to have a better career than LaVar Arrington in this city but that's not saying much ...

>>>CLICK HERE<<<

Video: Ghostface Killah "Stapleton Sex" Trailer

2009-09-10T19:55:00.002-04:00

I heard the entire song last Friday and completely bugged out. So NSFW!!

(Props to OnSmash)

Camel Refuses to Predict Eagles Victories in Protest of Vick

2009-09-10T17:21:00.005-04:00

Sorry about the back-to-back-to-back sports posts. I'll get back to the works once I get my internet situation under control. Who in the hell has dial-up anymore? My father, that's who

When socially irrelevant people -- or animals -- decide to take a stand on something, most people do the right thing and ignore it. But since it involves Michael Vick, a damn camel who picks NFL winners by eating a damn graham cracker decides to boycott this season and people feel the need to write about it.

Take note.

Philadelphia Eagles fans thirsty for predictions on whether their team will win
or lose each week won't get them from a New Jersey pigskin-prognosticating
camel. Princess, the star of Popcorn Park Zoo, won't predict the results of any
Eagles games this season to protest the signing of quarterback Michael Vick.
Vick spent 18 months in prison for organizing a dogfighting ring.

The 2,600-pound camel went 17-4 last year and correctly picked the Pittsburgh
Steelers to win the Super Bowl. [Source]

The only reason I know about this camel is because she/he/it is always featured on the local Philadelphia morning news during the NFL Playoffs to hopefully predict an Eagles Super Bowl win. We've never won a Super Bowl. How about those humps.

Pigskin-Picking camel snubs Eagles because of Vick [AP via Philly.com]

Take Advantage of Speech Class

2009-09-09T17:45:00.000-04:00

One of the most unforgiving things about the English language is that when you use the wrong word or part of speech, the meaning of a sentence can be screwed COMPLETELY. Take Ohio State quarterback/DeVante from Jodeci's twin Terrelle Pryor.

Via Deadspin:

The Ohio State quarterback showed up for his first game of the year with Michael Vick's name written on his eye black. Then he proceeded to play like Marcus Vick, nearly crapping the bed against Navy at home. Brian Rolle saved the day with his intercepted two-point conversion, but unfortunately he couldn't save Pryor from a disastrous postgame interview where he tried to explain his face tribute to Philadelphia's backup quarterback.

The quote in question: "Not everybody's the perfect person in the world. I mean everyone kills people, murders people, steals from you, steals from me, whatever. I think that people need a second chance, and I've always looked up to Mike Vick, and I always will." [Source]

Like I said, I know what he meant to say. He was trying to say that everyone messes up, including people who kill, and after they serve their time, they deserve a second chance. He just didn't say it the right way. There's a reason why Speech class is a requirement, people.

Terrelle Pyror May Not Be The Best Spokesman For Michael Vick [Deadspin]

I Saw This In My Paper This Morning

2009-09-09T17:18:00.003-04:00

As I ate my grits this morning, I saw this ad in the Washington Post's NFL preview . Mind you, I've relocated from Philly to DC. Mind you, I think this is stupid. Mind you, it almost says subliminally that Vick will be hitting the ground more than he should (ie. as a starter). Even when I move, I can't escape this shit.

Chargers LB Shawne Merriman Tries the "Lights Out!" Method on Tila Tequila

2009-09-06T22:53:00.005-04:00

Domestic violence week continues thanks to a NFL linebacker and the ORIGINAL MySpace jumpoff...

San Diego Chargers star outside linebacker Shawne Merriman was arrested Sunday and accused of choking and restraining his girlfriend, reality TV star Tila Tequila, as she tried to leave his suburban home.
Tequila, 27, signed a citizen's arrest warrant, charging Merriman with battery and false imprisonment, San Diego County Sheriff's Lt. Gary Steadman said.
Deputies responded about 3:45 a.m. to Merriman's house in Poway, north of San Diego, after a woman called to say she was choked by the player and thrown to the ground when she tried to leave, Sheriff's Department spokesman Jan Caldwell said at a news conference.
Merriman, 25, was taken into custody and booked into the central jail at about 8:30 a.m. He was released shortly after 11 a.m. Caldwell said she didn't know if he posted bail or was released on his own recognizance.
Tequila was taken to a hospital. Her condition was not immediately available.
Caldwell said deputies determined Tequila had been drinking. She said she wasn't sure about Merriman. Caldwell said there were other people at the house, but wasn't sure if any of Merriman's teammates were there. [Source]

I wouldn't have paid this story any mind until I realized that the ORIGINAL video chick and Merriman's ex, Gloria Velez, during an interview with Sirius radio show "Lip Service", had alluded to a sexual relationship between Merriman and Tequila. Apparently, Tila had been running her mouth for some months on Twitter about her "relationship" with Mr. Lights Out. She was also called an "alien-looking bitch" by Velez in that very same interview. I guess Merriman wouldn't let Tila phone home.

Chargers LB Merriman arrested in domestic call [Philadelphia Inquirer via AP]

How Philadelphia Turned Me Out…

2009-09-04T14:02:00.002-04:00

Today will be the last day that I will step foot in the City of Brotherly Love. As I pack my bags and clean my place, I look outside my window and gaze at the famous skyline that I used to dream about as a child. Dreaming about that one day when I wake up and see the inner workings of that skyline from the window of my Center City apartment. I thought this city had my name on it; I thought this city was meant for me to inhabit. But after four years of college, crime, compassion and confusion, I leave without manifesting my destiny.

Maybe it wasn’t meant to be. I was born in the Germantown section of the city, a section that I only saw once in my four years of Philly college life. I found myself ripping and running the streets of West and Southwest Philadelphia, feeling more at home and at ease. Germantown reminded me of home, a home that I wasn’t mine anymore.

When I was in high school, I always wanted to go to college in Philly. When I applied to all five local schools, I got into all of them. I had this diabolical plan to reunite with my mother’s side of the family. Finally, in the city that I thought I knew, with family in every corner, I would finally be free, be me. That didn’t work out. I finally saw them three months ago under circumstances that weren’t that pretty.

While that part of the city sucker punched me, the other took me on a ride I wasn’t ready for. I’ve always been a tough girl, an exterior well-crafted by my father and brother. It was in your best interest to not mess with me, even when I was at my nicest. I think I inherited that from my mother, a Philly girl through and through. But once I landed in Philly, the nice side of me came through more than I thought she would. I found myself succumbing the city’s toughness in a way that I could never imagine. Ciara was genuinely and whole-heartedly nice to people. Philly didn’t want to see that.

Every time I walked down the street, the vibe from others would punch me in the stomach. They could tell that I wasn’t from here, from their part of town. Excuse me for not knowing that Philly wasn’t this autonomous place. People would test me and I wouldn’t flinch. I grew a nice set of ovaries that I showed more than once. I played others and got played. At the end of the day, after all of my escapades with this city, I felt like a shafted girl after the worst night of her life: crying, speechless and hymen-less.

It forced itself on me, changed me and fell good about me. Bragged me, showed around to its friends but them behind my back, and talked shit about me. Philly made me feel like a lady and a tramp. Philly got inside me, messed around, tortured, battered, bruised and beat me but called it “making love”. Philly made the best and worst of me show. Philly loved me and hurt me. Philly told me that we would be together forever and I couldn’t believe it. I leave this city alone; alone without the one I came to see. The city did its job. Philadelphia turned me out.

Oregon RB LeGarrette Blount's Fist Meets BSU Player's Face

2009-09-04T07:52:00.005-04:00

After University of Oregon's worst offensive performance since 2007, team running back LeGarrette Blount was upset. So upset that when Boise State University player Bryon Hout said something to him, he sucker punched him right in the chin.

Roll the tape!

Blount also landed a punch on teammate Garrett Embry, who was trying to calm Blount down.

Duck that.

Camden, New Jersey Solidifies Rep with One Foul Swoop

2009-09-03T09:48:00.004-04:00

We Philadelphians like to go hard on Camden, New Jersey aka "Baghdad" for its top five murder rate and dilapidated appearance (drive across the Ben Franklin Bridge and tell me what you see). But this latest move is some shit that even us Philly people can't make up.

One of the hottest videos on the Web today is the surveillance tape of a burglary in progress at the Sagemore Apple Store in Marlton, N.J, 12 miles from Camden.

It shows five perps in masks smashing the plate-glass doors, signaling to the security guard that they had a gun, and clearing off the display tables with the efficiency of a Indy 500 pit crew.

The take: 23 MacBook Pros, 14 iPhones and 9 iPod touches in 31 seconds flat. Estimated value, based on average selling price: $46,345. [Source]

You have to watch the footage to believe it. They went in.

allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"
src="http://cdn.abclocal.go.com/static/flash/embeddedPlayer/swf/otvEmLoader.swf?version=&station=wpvi§ion=&mediaId=6996090&cdnRoot=http://cdn.abclocal.go.com&webRoot=http://abclocal.go.com&site=">

Camden ain't for play. Nope.

Smash n' Grab: 23 MacBooks, 14 iPhones, 9 iPod touches, 31 seconds [Apple 2.0/Fortune Brainstorm Tech]
Laptop, iPhones stolen from Apple store [6ABC]

Bad “Country Grammar”: The Rise and Fall of Nelly

2009-09-03T08:44:00.007-04:00

As I re-read my list of songs that remind me of high school, one artist is surprisingly missing: Nelly.

Nelly, on his own, controlled most of urban and Top 40 radio with hits such as “Country Grammar”, “Dilemma” featuring Destiny’s Child singer Kelly Rowland and “Hot in Herre”. He was considered a newer, more Southern version of LL Cool J; his sex appeal with women was unmatched by any artist at his peak. He was the face of a new style of music that many coined “Hip-Pop”, hip-hop music with a softer edge for pop radio. He made the anthem for Air Force Ones lovers everywhere. In lesser words, he was that dude.

But for all of his accomplishments, I failed to even think about his music when compiling my list. I was a fan of Nelly when he first hit the scene in 2000 -- “E.I” was my theme song – and I most definitely was attracted to the cat. A few of his songs, like “Dilemma”, were extremely popular while I was in high school. Even with all of that, I forgot about the dude. Has Nelly fallen off so much that his impact would be forgotten? The real question is “was a Nelly meant to last”?

Hailing from St. Louis, Nelly was a breath of fresh air to music. His music, a hybrid of South and Midwest hip-hop sounds, was a welcomed addition to urban music, which was making a shift from East coast boom-bap to down South bounce. Nelly’s first single, “Country Grammar”, went to number one and his debut album of the same name sold nine million copies. But you can’t sell that many albums in hip-hop and still maintain an ounce of creditability.

Even after subsequent hits like “E.I” and “#1”, Nelly was already being coined as a ‘pop artist’, something that he took some offense to. In reality, his music wasn’t as pop as it appeared to be (the chorus to “Country Grammar” speaks about committing a drive-by shooting). While Nelly continued to make hits, his biggest being 2002’s “Hot in Herre”, many hip-hop fans were calling Nelly off as a “sell-out”, claiming that he abandoned his hip-hop base to sell more records. While that was a false statement – most of Nelly’s hits were played continuously on urban Radio – he still couldn’t garner an ounce of respect from the hood.

But then there was 2003’s “Tip Drill”.

The video for the David Banner-remixed version of “E.I” (VERY NSFW) cause a firestorm like no other. Before “Tip Drill”, Nelly was known as a “your girlfriend’s favorite rapper”. His songs about love and relationships were often his biggest hits. Tip Drill, with the now infamous chorus ‘It must be your ass ‘cause it ain’t your face’, garnered much respect from dudes during the BET Uncut era. Nelly changed his image from a “ladies’ man” to “an everyday n***a” with one credit card swipe down an ass. But dammit, did he take a hit.

Many argue this point in Nelly’s career as the St. Louis arch starting its downward slope. He couldn’t recover from the backlash he received from women, the more infamous episode involving a protest held by students at Spelman College in Atlanta. He became the face of misogyny in Hip-Hop, something that he didn’t even create. With every interview he would have to defend himself and Hip-Hop, something that Nelly didn’t seem eager to do. He tried to get focus on his music, but people weren’t listening. While he had hits like “My Place” featuring Jaheim – off 2004’s Suit album – and "Flap Ya Wings”, off of Suit’s companion album, Sweat, his biggest single in the Pop world would be the stake in the heart of his Hip-Hop career.

Nelly released “Over and Over Again”, a song featuring country music star Tim McGraw. His biggest pop hit to date, his hip hop credibility, almost saved by “Tip Drill”, was eviscerated completely. Even “Grillz” couldn’t save him. By 2005, it was a wrap for Nelly. I guess somebody didn’t tell him that.

In 2007, Nelly tried and failed to ignite the release of his latest effort, Brass Knuckles. Four singles and four videos couldn’t do it. Many argued that his music sounded dated, that he didn’t adapt to the sounds of the time. Hip-Hop was going gritty and in “the Trap” while Pop was going in the clubs. Nelly created the sounds of the past – “Wadsyaname” was the 2008 version of “Dilemma” while “Stepped on my J’z", with Ciara and Jermaine Dupri, was “Air Force Ones 2.0” – which left others, like Flo-Rida, to update his sounds and do it better. Many publications, like XXL, wondered: Is Nelly’s career over?

That remains to be seen. If it appears to be the end, his accomplishments should be noted. He put the entire St. Louis on his back, paved the way for local artists such as Chingy and Jibbs to get put on, made it easier for Hip-Hop artists to get play on pop radio, dominated radio for two years and ushered in a new sound to music. One hit could completely bring Nelly back in the game, to continue his legacy and career. Apparently, one too many duds appear to have taken it away.

I Hope Grandma Palin Doesn't Let You See Your Child

2009-09-02T19:49:00.007-04:00

Levi Johnston didn't listen to me. Instead of playing his position by shutting the hell up about the Palin clan, he continues to run his Alaskan trap, now in this month's Vanity Fair.

Via Vanity Fair:

Three days after Sarah Palin was announced as the Republican vice-presidential candidate, the McCain campaign released a statement saying that her 17-year-old unwed daughter, Bristol, was pregnant. The baby’s father, an 18-year-old former hometown hockey star, was thus thrust into the national spotlight. In the October issue of Vanity Fair, Levi Johnston explains what happened behind the curtains of the campaign—and inside the Palin home.

For “Me and Mrs. Palin,” Johnston tells Vanity Fair his story about life with the Palin family—with whom he lived for two months after the election—over the course of his two-and-a-half-year relationship with Bristol. He turns a number of commonly held beliefs about the former governor—the purportedly loving mother, devoted wife, and prolific hunter—upside down. [Source]

And there's Playgirl in the future? God, can this family -- and all of its straggling degenerates -- just go the hell away?

Levi Johnston: "Me and Mrs. Palin [Vanity Fair] [Pic via.]

Levi Johnston Is Actually Going to Strip Down for Playgirl[Gawker]

Video: Grafh "Welcome To My City"

2009-09-02T08:16:00.003-04:00

Grafh is one of those dudes that gets you pissed off about rap. How could someone so dope not get put on?

(Props to OnSmash)

Non Sequitur: Respect My Complexities

You Pretty Smile Havin’ Low Down Dirty Ass M*************

The Bigger You Are, The Better You Cook … The Better You Feel?

Close the Door (No Teddy Pendergrass)

Sugarcoat These Nuts

Ciara is Scared of the Word 'Like'. Terrified.

Debunking Myths about Ciara (Part I)

When You Are Reminded of [Enter Name Here]

(Some of) The Songs That I Love

What I’ve Learned in my 23rd Year of Life

Boobs, Tits and Sweater-bags….

25 Questions (But You Ain’t Around to Answer Them)…

The Fascination with a Fantastical Reality

Oh, You Rap?

Love: Fucking: Love Fucking: Fucking Love

The Anti-Basic-DC-B*tch Manifesto-festo

I Needed Somewhere to Put This....

Emotions

Welcome Home, Peedi Crakk

Confessions Featuring Freddie Gibbs

This “Bitch” Wants to Have a “Riot Girl” Moment

Half-Windsor

Freddie Gibbs x Mikkey Halsted - On My Own

*DEAD*

When My Mind Wanders...

I Feel Vindicated

“F*** Me Through The Phone”

Video: Oschino "Hold On"

‘No-Ass-at-All’ Starring Me!

Reggie Bush Covers Essence

And We're Back!

Video: Pac Div "Whiplash/Young Black Male"

Obama Bows, Conservative Pundits Have Conniptions

Video: Letoya "Regret" Featuring Ludacris

No Separation Between Certain Churches and the State

When It Feels So Good…

Video: UCB "Pat Your Weave" feat. Wale

A White Van.

My Take on Beanie Sigel and Jay-Z

Required Reading: "How Hip-Hop Amped Up the NBA" , ESPN the Magazine, February 2005

ETHER.

Video: BKS "Back and Forth"

Video: P89 "2 of the Illest" feat. Freeway

Where Have You Been?*

Video: Freddie Gibbs "Womb 2 The Tomb" feat. Pill

Now it’s Rihanna’s Turn

Video: Stalley "The Autobiography"

Video: Sha Stimuli "Move Back" featuring Freeway and Young Chris

Tortured W. Va Woman Recants Story, Lied About Her Ordeal

Ghosts of Teenage Past

Video: Alicia Keys "Doesn't Mean Anything"

B*tch Tendencies: Usher and Joe Budden

Crybabies: Washington Redskins

Required Reading: Beanie Sigel, XXL, September 2005

Video: Meek Mill "Hottest In The City"

Father Solicits Sex From Estranged Teenage Daughter via Facebook

This Will Help Asian-Black Relations

Video: Gucci Mane feat. Plies "Wasted"

Getting Along “Too Well”

College Bans Dorm Sex with Roomate Present

Required Reading: Brett Favre, ESPN The Magazine, January 2003

AJ Jewell, Fiance of RHOA castmate Kandi Burruss, Killed In Brawl

And The Church Says … I’m Gay!

Oprah and First Lady in Copenhagen

Maybe Not: Nike Denies Vick Endorsement

Video: Freeway "Old to the New/Attitude"

When The Money Goes...

BREAKING: Michael Vick Signs NEW Deal w/ Nike

Non Sequitur Presents “What’s Sex to a Teenager?”

Chris Brown feat. Lil Wayne and Swizz Beatz "I Can Transform Ya"

Derrion Albert = Jena Six

Man Admits Duct-taping Cat

Sickening Repetition

Video: Reed Dollaz "This Is For The Hood"

Khloe + Lamar = Huh?

Video: Tiron "Throwing My Money"

Did You Miss Me?

Required Reading: "It's The Roc!" The Source Sept. 2002

Female NFL Refs Sooner Than We Think?

Video: Laura Izibor "Don't Stay"

DEAD