Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Ciara is Scared of the Word 'Like'. Terrified.

(Very random and piecy. I wouldn't expect for you to follow it. You'll probably leave confused. So am I. On many fronts).

That was weird.

I was sitting up here, frustrated that I couldn’t come through on something that was super last-minute and in conflict to things I had planned in advance. Like, on-the-brink-of- crying frustrated.

Frustrated about something that if I could move mountains to do, then I would. If I had to ruin decent friendships to make it happen, then I would. Those people can wait, this is an once-in-a-lifetime thing.

I’m not sure that is how you’re supposed to feel when you like somebody but either way, it scares the shit out of me.

I don’t “like” often. I “intrigue” easily. I have such a short attention span when it comes to people, that if you don’t capture my imagination quickly, I pretty much forget about you. Sounds vain but I can’t be alone in that. So yeah, me scared that I got the feelings for somebody. He’s definitely worth it, no dbout in my mind. He isn’t seasonal like one person, vaginal like someone else. He just finds a way into my everyday life. I feel weird if I don’t talk to him. Dude makes me giggle. He knows more about me that he probably should. I know some of his faults but I could give a damn about them.

Grr. Shit’s so weird.

We’re both at points in our lives where we don’t want relationships. I’m okay with that in theory. I ain’t built for that war yet. But I can’t help but wonder what that battle would be like with him by my side. Sounds mushy as fuck but that’s how I feel. How I feel is ultimately scaring me.

I’m scared shitless. Scared.

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